So, you're saying that I don't need to go through the Quicken stuff if I view my statement on-line? Don't you always need to reconcile your own records against the bank's? Am I missing something?
The only manual checks I write are for things like school events where the kids need to bring a check. Otherwise everything is written from my online bank account. Everything is there online.
For trips to the grocery store, fast food, whatever, I just use my credit card. I can control my spending within limits, so I can pay off the credit card balance without any problem. Only big purchases, or maybe car repair, need more time to pay down. I also use several credit cards. One I use only for internet purchases, in case something were to happen, like identity theft, and I wanted to shut down that card without affecting my regular spending habits.
I suppose you could reconcile all this stuff, but in all the years I have done this, I’ve never found the bank to be wrong.
I asked H recently why he wanted to be a pilot and the first thing he said was "because people respect pilots."
My armchair analysis is that because of how H was treated by his father, he does not allow himself as an adult to admit making mistakes. It is a defense mechanism. He rarely admits to being wrong and he even more rarely says he's sorry. Whatever happens is usually the other person's fault.
Let’s say there is something else he does that is directly harmful to you. Should you let it lie, just ignore it, let him come around to dealing with it if and when he’s ready? Personally I don’t think so. I don’t think you should ignore his FOO issues either. Just because they are his issues doesn’t mean you aren’t affected. If he doesn’t want to deal with them, then fine, as long as he doesn’t make you walk on eggshells (I know, no one can “make” you walk on eggshells, but tell that to the eggshell walker.)
If he lashes out at you, stays angry and resentful, holds the marriage back, then I think you have a say in his issues. So bring it into the open, confront him with it, and keep it in front of him. But do it the smart way, like GEL. Make his problem your problem. Tackle it as a team. Go read up on my thread on adult attachment disorder here.
