Perhaps you should have your H write down the steps, and possibly even flow chart it for you. Would that help? If so, then I wonder if you might be a visual learner, you know, the non-verbal learning disability (NVLD) stuff. If you don’t go through this process often, it will be hard to remember what you did last month. Becoming PC literate is easy if you spend a lot of time on the PC. If not, it can be a foreign language, and that can be very difficult to learn if you don’t live in a foreign country.
If joint finances are an issue, get your own checking account and reconcile yours and let him reconcile his. Better yet, just pay your bills online, cut out the paper checks (except for special situations), purchase daily needs by debit or credit card (assuming you maintain discipline to limit spending), pay down all balances each month (by online check) and don’t worry about reconciling anything. All transactions will be online via your online credit card or bank account. What’s there to reconcile?
Stepping back to the bigger picture, I know CAC4 came on this board with lots of complaints, but also plenty of issues, issues that he barely acknowledged, much less worked through. He then sort of fell of the board. This says to me that he did not want to be confronted with those things anymore and would rather just lurk a while.
Then you can on, had a wake up call, changed yourself and the M, and gave H a reprieve from having to confront himself. At first he was trying to grow and you were lagging. Now you have grown and he appears to be lagging. So it is his turn to pick up the pace. This is a natural oscillation in marriage. What CAC4 needs to understand is that the growth never stops, things change, life changes, you change, and he will have to change too.
This is a huge personality flaw on my part, and I am at a complete loss as to how to overcome it.
CAC4, this is BS and you know it. You come up against people at work all the time you are not computer literate. How do you communicate with them? There is only one way to do it and that is to talk. If they are really novices, then you have to step back and explain some fundamentals, right? Maybe draw out some flow charts or diagrams. Why can’t you do this with your W?
If she isn’t getting it, then maybe she needs to look into why that is. Maybe she is ADD or has NVLD. That is for you to look into. You don’t have to mind read at all. You just have to talk. BTW, I see you two posting within 4 minutes of each other. Are you two waiting to take turns on that one PC to put forth your version of the story? Very passive aggressive of both of you. Better to sit down and talk it over.
CAC4, start opening up. Get out of the victim role. Stop looking to be rescued. Ditch the anger over your lost dreams. You wife has given you a great gift. She has addressed many of your complaints. By what she says, you should be getting more frequent and regular sex, more intimacy, more communication, more validation. So what are you still mad about?
That is the problem when the other person does what you ask. You have to then find new reasons for your anger. Eventually you will run out of reasons and have to confront yourself. This business about your W not being able to backup files the way you deem, and then providing you a reason to get upset with her because she doesn’t remember or understand the system, is just a smoke screen by you. This is a creation by you to set her up to fail, to give you an excuse to withdraw, to avoid intimacy. The new intimacy in your M means you should feel good about the changes in your wife. But you don’t feel good because the changes in you haven’t come about yet. So stop making her responsible for your shortcomings.
No, on a conscious level I don't consider myself to be stupid, but it really tests my confidence to be married to someone who is so sure of himself intellectually. I doubt myself all the time.
I suspect that is just how CAC4 wants it. If you doubt yourself, you will never be in a position to doubt him. Then he stays safe, KWIM?
