I start out feeling okay, forget I'm afraid of his reaction, hit a snag, ask him for help in all innocence but use a technical word in an incorrect way, he doesn't understand what I said (or pretends not to understand in order to punish me for a) having a problem, b) using the word wrong, c) who knows?), and off we go.
Yeah. I'm sorry you understand this so well. I get mad at myself sometimes for forgetting. But I'm sure you understand when I say that it's IMPOSSIBLE for me to stay avoidant for long. I'll do it for a few days after an event like this, but it doesn't take long before I'm just chatting away, opening myself up again. H, OTOH, can completely avoid talking to me about a subject that is sensisitve to him. He talked about this last fall.
it would make me NUTS to have the password to ANYONE'S work network if I were not employed there. Holy cr@p!
I need to clarify here. Before he built our present computer last fall, I was using a dinosaur laptop (because the "good" computer had died). The only way to back up large files from the laptop was through his server at work. When he brought home a laptop from work on the weekend, I could transfer large files to his office. If I needed to upload/download small files, I could do that directly from the server to the old laptop WITH HIS PASSWORD.
Now that he has built a new great computer, I no longer need the password at all, but see, I'm confused like I said. Typing out my original message and seeing your reply reminded me that the method he wants me to use now doesn't even require using his password. It just requires that I put my files (and work on them) in a special folder on our computer and run an application. And it is simple. Except for the fact that I get confused and I use the wrong words.
Get one of these babies and start backing up at home: 320 gig. My friend got one at Sam's for $126.
Actually, he suggested something that you stick in a USB port as an option. Anyway, there is no answer because he is the expert. I just can't start tampering with what he's got here because it's HIS computer and HIS network. He lets me use it. What I'm asking him to do is to REMEMBER that I get confused (shouldn't be a problem because he remembers everything). Cut me a little slack. Throw me a bone. I'm his wife, he loves me, right? Why is it so hard to back up a little and try to understand what I'm saying?
he can't think of anything that makes him feel inadequate
He discussed his FOO stuff a bit last fall. He is a dismissive/advoidant. I told him he doesn't ALLOW himself to feel inadequate or, for that matter, to feel anything else. Anger is the only emotion he seems comfortable expressing, but even that isn't very often. I talk and he endures it until I tire of it. Then he goes about his business and sweeps everything under the rug. Nothing has been resolved and I end up burying my feelings after a few days until the next event.
I wonder if he's on edge about something else? This seems like a tempest in a teacup.
He threw his back out a week ago and has been home all week. I've been pushing him to take better care of his health and be more proactive. He needs to start doing his back exercises again, and he needs to see an endocrinologist. He is unable to lose abdominal weight because his hypothyroidism isn't under control. His heart meds make it even worse. The weight adds a lot of stress to his back.
I saw something about type 5s on the Enneagram Institute that jumped out at me. I think it was under the Addictive section. It said that type 5s tend to abuse their bodies/health. I think this definitely applies to H (I told him this).
When we went through infertility a few years ago, he was on a mission to solve the problem. He chatted online with experts, found doctors, discovered a problem with one of his meds that the doctor missed, essentially left no stone unturned. I can honestly say that without his research, we would not have our son. I asked him recently why he doesn't apply that same problem-solving energy to his own health. Does he think it isn't worth it?
