My husband is a scientist and he never wavers on things either and he was absolutely certain he wanted a divorce too... for a long time! It took a lot of DBing and patience to get him to the point where he even might wonder if he were making the right decision. That was my first goal in DBing, to get him to a point where he might even *consider* that he might be making the wrong choice.
Expect your husband to act like a royal jerk right now. He wants to be able to validate his decision. He may do some really mean ugly things to try and get you mad so he can say, "She's a bitc#, I don't know why I ever married her." My only advice to you is totally take the high road. Think of your husband as some crazy stranger. With anything divorce related just say you need to talk with your attorney and can't discuss it. Beyond that stay pleasant and upbeat. Be an incredible role model of strength and positive attitude towards your kids. Try to see some humor in the crazyness to help you keep up PMA. Tell him that his happiness is most important to you and you hope he finds it and are supporting him (that one used to make my husband really stop and think!). I'd also say the door's open if he ever decides he might want his family back.
Keep in mind this is all a slow SLOW process. Until their anger subsides there's nothing you can do. He has been painting you as a horrible person. Now you need to replace those memories with someone unbelievably friendly, reasonable and nice. It's not easy.
Of course, anything divorce related avoid talking with him about it as much as you can. Get the best attorney ever and know exactly what your entitled to and don't waver on protecting your kids and getting everything they, and you, are entitled to. Even though I was fully intent on making sure legally my kids and I would be okay (hey, I have two special needs kids. My husband was going to FEEL that one if that divorce went through!!!). I also told the attorney I wanted the divorce to go AS SLOWLY AS POSSIBLE. And I took FOREVER in getting paperwork back.
I was just much too busy GALing and doing fun things with the kids to deal with trivial things like divorce paperwork!!!!
On the negative side, you husband has gone through this before. I have read it's easier for guys who go through one divorce to go through a second. So your job at this point will be to stay positive, be nice as anything in spite of his ugliness, and make sure that if the divorce does go through he can only look back and say, "That woman was a saint. I was an idiot to let her go." My philosophy had been... if that divorce had gone through I really wanted my husband to regret it. I wanted him to someday look back and realize he had made a BIG mistake.
So now it's time to focus on you, become amazing inside and outside. Look incredibly great, lose weight (if you haven't already), get new clothes, make-up, hair extensions, thong underware, push-up bras, etc... And lots of PMA!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
