We understand here. You sound very hurt and very tired. First off,take care of you. She has not won, she is not a Christian. There are words for women who do this, I will not cast a stone but there are words. So, tell me... What are you doing for you? Call a friend, go to a movie, get out of the house, take a bubble bath. Take deep breaths because you need to get focused.
Your H sounds MLC read the resources. Think of your 180s and stop feeling sorry for yourself.Think of what will work for you and your family. You must protect yourself. You can still stand for your marriage but you have to decide if you want to or if you want to feel the way that you feel right now or not.
Read Rollercoasterrider, Jack Three Beans and Happy Again, and Snodderly. You can do this if you want to but only you can know this.Tears are okay because you are human but then, get up and dust yourself off. You are God's child.
Chin up today, do something for you and then come back and post. We will help you through.
