2nd Time Learning IV

[IWB]

2-1/2 Months later and much has happened.

W has moved to the other bedroom and loves it.
I lost my job and am currently in a job search.
DD#1 is failing school.

I have all sorts of emotions, and I find myself in deep prayer quite often. God must be telling me to wait on the job and reconciliation. I feel I need both. Perhaps reconciliation will never come. Perhaps the job won't come until the house is stripped away too.

One message I listened to several weeks ago discussed how God may never give some things, and our lot in life is to suffer some pains forever. Yet, he is supposed to answer prayers as promise if it is his will. Why wouldn't reconciliation of my married be his will?

Yeah, I feel very messed up; very sad and upset. Some days I feel I have lost all, but think and realize there is still more I have. I just don't want to lose anymore, and this is a fear. Am I being punished for disobedience? Is my distrust causing me not not to receive answers to prayers? Is God doing this for his glory.

OK I realize much of this is just rambling, but this is what is running through my mind of late.

I miss sleeping with my W. I miss putting my arm around her, and having her touch my foot from time to time. I miss being loved, and having support for things like job searches, and when things go wrong at work. I know I am supposed to be strong and have good courage. I am trying, and continuing to take the next step.