“This time I want to detach from his behavior, but I want him to know I am still wanting to work things out and be loving and supportive of him.”
Tama, You didn’t clarify, but I am assuming that you want to detach from some of your husband’s depressed behavior? If your goal is to detach, the following steps might be helpful to keep in mind:
1. Trying to understand your husband’s behavior as objectively as possible might help you interpret it less personally. That might help you be less reactive, if that is something you are challenged with.
2. Focus on the aspects of your relationship that you really do enjoy. Make an inventory of all of the big and little things that are good and enjoyable. Affirm mentally to yourself and to your husband, when possible, those moments.
3. Keep in mind that your husband’s behavior is his problem – not yours. It is hard, but also very freeing to let go of your husband’s issues.
4. Keep up your PMA, your healthful activity and your supportive friends! These create avenues for you to vent, get support and just enjoy your life!
Michele mentions these aspects of detaching in her DR book in regards to a spouse with addictive behaviors, but I think it can offer help in your situation, too. I support your efforts as you pursue the important changes it sounds like you are making!
Laurie C Divorce Busting Telephone Consultant
JJ
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