Journey of a Happy Heart 2

[always_14]

((( nicola )))

Thank you for being so honest in your posts.

Thank you for sharing what you're going through.

This is the hardest thing b/c it was a big part of your life and you spent nearly 2 years fighting for it.

I'm sorry things are going this way.

But, I'm also glad that you have a sense of what your threshold is in emotional messes.

Take care of YOU. The eating, focusing and everything will come back again when you gain balance. Right now, do what you need to do to get through the day.

Funtion. Breathe. Funtion. Feel.

And just keep moving forward.

[COG]

Nic,

So sorry you're so down. Just try to stay in the moment. Get through one day at a time. You are an awesome lady and the sun will shine on you again you can count on that. You'll get through the fear, and the pain, and the darkness and you will thrive again.

God Bless you!

Love,

COG

[Jeff223]

I am not doing too well.

You are doing GREAT. You inspire me - you insipre us all.

I'm crying a lot, though.

Crying is good for the soul. I am crying with you.

He agreed with such seeming delight that I was really hurt.

That is the hard part - letting them go and seeing that they appear to be so, so happy. But if we love them and they are happy then should WE not be happy???

This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I just want to go to sleep and wake up when it's all over, when all my feelings are gone. I wish I didn't care.

Same here. If only I could get a good night sleep!

That's actually where I want to get to--the point that I just don't care.

The hardest part of all. Letting go with love and forgiveness. We will ALWAYS care nicola. Always. And HE cannot take that away.

That says so much about you.

[LisaLost]

Nicola,

I pray that God gives you the strength to pull through this!! I know he will- Hey, being back with your H is not all it's cracked up to be, just ask me!!

Love,
Lisa

[I_Still_Love_Him]

(((Nicola)))

Hope you are feeling better today.

Still, I'm not as bad as I was 19 months ago, when H first left. I'm crying a lot, though.

You are much stronger now and crying does not mean you are weak. You are sad and that is understandable. Cry all you need to as it is part of the healing process. I know as I, too am going through it.

I haven't decided yet if I want to go the route of LS or D. I originally thought just LS, but I'm thinking more and more that I really need to cut the ties here and move ahead. I just can't seem to let go, and I know that I need to do that.

Nicola, this is really hard and only you can decide which way to go. Once the finance and custody is sorted, if you really needed to, a D is simply the last step that finalizes it all, legally. Can you think of your M as being over without the D? If so, just file for a LS for now. You can always file for a D if that is what you want and need later. As you can see with my sitch, after a legal separation, the D can simply be done by mail. If you are still torn, you are not ready for this step, IMO.

This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I just want to go to sleep and wake up when it's all over, when all my feelings are gone. I wish I didn't care. That's actually where I want to get to--the point that I just don't care.

I know what you mean but if that were the case, we would not have grown as much as we have and YOU have. You are an amazing and wonderful person and one of the reasons why I have been able to get through this ordeal. You are a caring person so unfortuately, you will never get to the point of not caring. You need to just let him really go. Your H may still feel like you are being hopeful and he does not want you to be. He is not ready for a real relationship.

Take it one day at a time and live your life for you. If you need someone to talk to, let me know and I will call.

Hugs,
ISLH

Thread #7

[amd]

Nicola, just checking in on you. It's OK to cry--cry as much as you need to. It's a healthy way of releasing. You don't want to keep it all in, do you? That would have terrible, long-lasting repurcussions.

I understand that you want to go to sleep and wake up when it's all over, but we can't all be Sleeping Beauty. Excessive sleeping can also be a sign of depression, which would make sense. I can't remember if you're taking ADs or not--I seem to recall that you used to but maybe quit? This might be a good time to see your doctor or the naturopath who gave you so much help earlier in your situation. Try to get back on a regular exercise and eating schedule and GAL.

If you didn't care, you would not be the amazing person that we all know and love. If you didn't care, there would be no hope of meeting someone else and falling in love again. If you didn't care, you would be stuck in a really ugly place for a really long time.

This really sucks, but you are going to be OK. In fact, you are going to be more than OK because you are magnificent.

((N)))

Be well.

[MotherMovingOn]

(((((Nicola))))

Hello my dear. I'm sorry to know you are in this place and I want to know what I can do to help...

I worry about you not eating because you are so tiny already you can't afford to lose too much weight. Plus it will make you feel weaker and make you more vulnerable in all sorts of ways.

perhaps there is something else going on medically right now and I think amd is right--time to go get a check up and figure out how to make that beautiful body and mind of yours as healthy as possible. I take Wellbutrin (though I was very reluctant to go on any AD's) and I swear it has made a world of difference. Also helps with that pesky PMS.

You are a wonderful woman and have a great depth of emotion. I'm here for you if you need me.

Althea

[princess_nic]

You guys are all so wonderful!

I am on ADs--just went off the tranqs for sleeping, but not the ADs. I am still forcing myself to eat, but that is getting better.

I will get straight to the point here, as I'm tired and want to go to bed.

I am not as sad anymore, but I am ANGRY. Oh boy, am I angry. I don't want to share details, since we will be starting legal procedures, but I will say that H's true colours are coming out now, and it isn't pretty. One thing DB has taught me, though, is how to keep my mouth shut and smile even when I want to strangle him. I think this will serve me well in any legal discussions.

The good news is that this has snapped me right out of my "boo hoo, I still love him" state. I will be asking for a D.

No, my friends, I am not DBing anymore. At least, not to get my M back. I don't want to be M to this "man." I am DBing to make our D as painless as possible for me and the kids.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

N

[I_Still_Love_Him]

((((((Nicola)))))

Get a good night's rest.

I'm here if you need me.

Love to you,
ISLH

[MotherMovingOn]

Hey Nicola,

It sounds as though some new things have come to light and while I am sorry that this has happened and will probably cause even more pain, I am glad for you to know the truth--knowledge is power and it sounds like you are getting your strength back. There is always more to the story isn't there?

Love,
Althea