OK. Perhaps I'm confused. It was my understanding that you wanted to try to save your M and the R with your W. Is this correct?
If not, then please say so and I'll gladly stop offering advice that has that goal in mind. Without that as a factor, you can feel free to speak your mind, stop avoiding what you want, stop walking on egg shells worrying about what to say to her or how to act around her, and "just let it all out".
As I said...
Originally Posted By: OldFool
Don't get me wrong, wanting to tell her how it is can be a legitimate desire (and doing it can be OK too, if you don't mind the repercussions)...
If, however, this is still your goal, then I stand by my advice and doing these things will not help you reach it. I recognize that it's not fair, but right now that's irrelevant. As Michele says, this isn't about achieving "fairness". Likewise, Dr. Phil says that in repairing a relationship, someone has to be the "hero". In this case, that'll have to be you because right now she's not interested. If you're going to be successful, you simply have to accept that it's not fair and, at least for now, there is nothing you can do about that.
Originally Posted By: StupidRomeo
I'm just exhausted from trying to do the best I can...
I'd bet there isn't a person in this community who doesn't understand this. Trying to save a M when the other person doesn't want to is, perhaps, the hardest thing you will ever do. You have to ask yourself whether you want her back enough to put in that kind of effort.
As you so succinctly point out, right now your WAW is leaving you. That means...fair or not...you have only two options, either try to prevent the destruction of your M or finish it off yourself. Everything else is at her discretion (again, fair or not). As a result, you cannot "save" your M at this point. The best you can hope for (and what you should be striving for if you want to eventually save your M) is to simply keep her from obliterating it altogether until she gets her bearings.
Think of it this way. Your child heads off to play in the street. It would be nice to have a discussion about how this is a dangerous activity, how at some future point they could be seriously injured or killed, and that is why they should choose not to play there. But if they're young enough, they can't understand these concepts so, instead, you simply yank them out of the street and threaten punishment if they do it again. In return, they "hate" you for preventing them from doing what they want.
Is that fair? No. However, the goal isn't to achieve fairness or to make them understand, it is to prevent them from being killed until such time as they can understand the bigger concepts and how hating you for not allowing them to play in the steet is unfair.
Likewise, in the context of your WAW, you're not trying to convince her of the bigger concepts as she is not at a point where she can recognize or understand them. Instead, you are avoiding behaviors that will tend to push her closer to killing the M so that, hopefully, it will still be intact when she reaches the point at which she can understand the bigger concepts.
Oh, by the way, dealing with the issue of avoiding what you want is part of what detaching and GALing are about. When you do both, you have opportunities to do what you do want which makes it easier to put your own needs on hold for a little bit when you're interacting with the WAS without feeling like everything is about them.
