1 yr anniversary........when will this end?

[maryfromaustin]

It has been 1 yr today since my husband left. I don't have many feelings right now. I thought I was going to be in bed all day, drinking away the sorrow, and reminding myself that he left me. Well, things didn't go as planned. I've been keeping myself busy with the kiddos, working, doing laundry, and now I'm online thinking of what has happened.

My H has come a long way. I'll give him that much. He is going through this "manopause". He's even put himself on youtube for fun. He's not advertising himself, it's for his bike club. I see a different man that is trying so hard to stay young. He's acting as if he were still between 19-21. How can this be? What happens to a man during this "change of life". Why does it happen? He's not going bald and he's not overweight. Ugh, I don't know what to think anymore. It sickens me to see him behave this childish. He's at a bar recording himself and friends......Why the heck do I want that "loser" in my life? That's not who I married. Hell no!!

I think today marks a new day. I'm not putting up with his @*it anymore. I've tried doing the 180 (having the home cleaned, dinner ready when he visits, doing his laundry...just making it comfortable for him). I'm thinking of doing a total 180 now. No more Mrs. Nice wife. I don't see him wanting to come back home. If he does, he's got a weird way of showing it. I'm through with guessing games. Dangit, i'm not a toy. I am a woman with feelings and I can't stand for a man to belittle me. I feel like he is belittling me. He doesn't appreciate what I do for him. He says thank you and all but it's just not enough. AM I BEING SELFISH? I'm confused. I'm angry that he's undecided and i'm angry that it's been one whole year of separation. So far no divorce. He's postponed it. Good thing I guess.

Could this possibly be THE light at the end of the tunnel? I feel ok right now. I'm not as devastated as I thought I'd be. One year of being apart is devastating. Not to mention our wedding anniversary is next month! 11 yrs...............I think I'm going to be just fine. My most trusted being says everything will be just fine. I trust in Him always. As long as I know that He will always protect me and comfort me, things will be ok.