So, avoiding those will be my new goal. A new bottom-line for me.
Excellent. If you can do it, I think it will help make your progress more steady with less of the two steps forward one step back element.
Originally Posted By: 30andLost
I have done a LOT of work on the assuming part, which is largly rooted in my insecurities, but you can see I'm a work in progress.
We all are. I fight it too. I find myself assuming to "fill in the gaps" so that I can "understand" things (which is, of course, ridiculous because an answer based on assumptions isn't worth much). But I've come to recognize when I'm starting to do it and remind myself that it's a non-productive use of energy that I should be expending on something useful.
Originally Posted By: 30andLost
If things aren't perfect, we assume they are complete failures. I even transferred this to my R, where if I wasn't her whole world, then she didn't love me at all. A truly unhealthy way to operate.
I wasn't aware this was a "symptom" (so to speak). I can see how this would be very damaging to you both! It's unfortunate you didn't realize this sooner, but, as they say, the only thing worse than losing 25 years, is losing 25 years + one day. You know this now so you can make your future better.
Originally Posted By: 30andLost
I have lived the past 25 years of my life by my own will in the sick and twisted ways of a love addict. It is going to take a little time to change that thinking, feeling, and acting.
Yes, months at the very least. The good news is that she seems to be waiting too. She's not going to drop back in overnight because she knows even better than you do that its a long road and many don't have the strength to make it. Keep working on yourself. She's watching...but from a distance.
