THANKS for writing today. Don't know if you'll see this reply before of after your trip, but either way, HAVE OR HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL TIME!!!!
As always, thanks for your wonderful encouragement and advice.
I am going out with a girlfriend tonight for appetizers and a movie. Am looking forward to it.
Regarding Vegas trip, H already knows I had that trip planned, so he'll know where I'm going, but I can still "work it" a little, as you suggested.
What are your thoughts regarding me working really hard on the business right now to add to the "she's too good to lose" attraction to me? Do you think my doing really well in the business and working on showing my enjoyment for it will be a good step?
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but you can attract them...but again, don't make that your focus because then you won't be yourself...
Lin, I'm confused on this. This whole journey I'm going on feels like I'm NOT being myself, if that makes sense??? It feels like I'm trying to find a better me, but if I'm just being my old self, THAT is what is NOT attractive to him right now. So I HAVE to change, which I know is what I want and need to do, but change means not being who I was anymore, right?
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PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T GO THERE!!!!...I don't care what he said this will backfire...it is best NOT to have anyone that is close to H...or even knows him....for your confidant
Lin, I was not referring to actually telling this other person what is going on with H and I. I have no plans to EVER tell ANYONE (friends, family, etc.) about this situation - it will make it too uncomfortable when we do get back together, and I know that. So, no, I don't want to tell anyone about it. I was more wondering since this person seems to somehow pull H and I together a little bit if there is some way that I can capitalize on that WITHOUT telling this other person what is going on. I was just looking for some ideas, or whether that was even a good idea.
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and just enjoy the "natural" effect this person has on him....and hope it isn't because H thinks he knows all
H and I have already told each other that we have not told anyone what is going on. H said it was okay for me to tell whoever I wanted, just that he would appreciate knowing if I did tell someone so that H knew that that person knew. So, I have definitely not told anyone, and if H is telling the truth, he hasn't either.
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I also think a good goal for you right now would be to mark the calendar with a date for 6 months...then promise yourself that you will not discuss disolving the business or splitting the business with H at all during this time
This is a good idea, but when I read that "6 months," my heart just sickens... I think I need to do shorter goals for now and then keep building on them. And, at this point, I guess my preference on the business is not to think of it in terms of a time limit... I think I'll know when I've had enough and can't take this anymore if we haven't reconciled. At that point, I'll have to decide how to deal with it. Does that make sense? For now, I think I'll feel better if I just completely let it go...
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don't think you are going to gain any points if it comes to this by forcing the issue for him to sell all his properties because of your feelings about him sharing your dream with someone else...and I don't think a judge would buy it either...
I'm not trying to justify my feelings here, but I guess the important thing is that I know in my own mind the reasons for my feelings, and I think H understands/would understand why I feel the way I do, and at the end of the day, he may even feel the same way. BTW, just FYI, these aren't HIS properties - they are all OURS, so we obviously would have to make a joint decision. Anyway, there is no point in worrying about this right now. I feel like I just need to work hard on letting all of these thoughts go for now and just pray everything works out and there will be none of this to have to deal with.
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Also...I am curious...you talk about H, H's parents...but do you have family???...brothers, sisters, parents....and are you close with them?
I am extremely close to my parents as well. My mom is truly my best friend. And they love and adore H with all of their hearts. That is another reason this is all so hard. Both of our parents have been married for I think 40 years now. We're very close to our families, and although ultimately we know they just want us to be happy, the thought of us not being together and also putting them through that and the thought of me not being H's parents' "daughter" and H's siblings' sibling like I have been kills me... That is admittedly one of the hardest things about this.
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I share my experiences with you (and others) not for you to feel sorry for me but so you can see that I do speak from where you are....
Thanks, Lin. I understand what you're saying. I'm glad that you have used your hurtful experiences to grow, and I hope to follow - no, I WILL follow in your footsteps. I, too, look forward to the day when I can look back on all of this and see the growth I've made in myself.
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and please take things slow, easy, and with patience...
Please, please help me with this, guys. I just feel SO INCREDIBLY IMPATIENT. I'm so tired of hurting. I know you know this and what it feels like. Just please keep encouraging me... I just want this to end...
