I understand what you are saying and I know how painful it is to watch someone's M end that you care greatly about. The people on this board are not pro-D. Most people come here out of sheer desperation because that is the last thing that they want. That being said, sometimes there are serious imbalances in a R, deceptions, deflections, one-sided efforts being made that require some pretty scary, rigorous "outing" if they are ever to change. Mrs. HD has a lot of strengths that HD has listed time and time again. Unlike some folks, even after getting continuously rejected and called selfish and immature HD still finds her attractive. Well, I think that is pretty impressive and bodes well for the ability of this M to withstand some pretty harsh winds.
Cobra is correct in stating that Mrs. HD has no idea what her lack of respect for HD's needs could cost her. HD isn't perfect but she liked something about him enough to marry him. Maybe she can recognize that better if she becomes concerned that she may lose him or that their children could lose the family that they have created together or even that she may lose her absolute conviction about being "right".
A fresh perspecitve IS always good and often points out things that were missed. Sometimes the thing that gets missed is when there is an imperceptible chink in the armor of someone who we have come to think of as nearly impenetrable, like Mrs. HD. She isn't an ice queen. She does have her vulnerabilities and her positives and like you, we are pulling for HD/Mrs. HD and the marriage.
HD,
No advice for you. Hang on to yourself. It isn't easy and you aren't wrong for wanting a marriage that includes sex and intimate connection. You ARE willing to meet Mrs. HD at some reasonable negotiated point. You ARE NOT a rat b@stard. Remember that when she makes you doubt it.
