Still, I'm not as bad as I was 19 months ago, when H first left. I'm crying a lot, though.
You are much stronger now and crying does not mean you are weak. You are sad and that is understandable. Cry all you need to as it is part of the healing process. I know as I, too am going through it.
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I haven't decided yet if I want to go the route of LS or D. I originally thought just LS, but I'm thinking more and more that I really need to cut the ties here and move ahead. I just can't seem to let go, and I know that I need to do that.
Nicola, this is really hard and only you can decide which way to go. Once the finance and custody is sorted, if you really needed to, a D is simply the last step that finalizes it all, legally. Can you think of your M as being over without the D? If so, just file for a LS for now. You can always file for a D if that is what you want and need later. As you can see with my sitch, after a legal separation, the D can simply be done by mail. If you are still torn, you are not ready for this step, IMO.
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This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I just want to go to sleep and wake up when it's all over, when all my feelings are gone. I wish I didn't care. That's actually where I want to get to--the point that I just don't care.
I know what you mean but if that were the case, we would not have grown as much as we have and YOU have. You are an amazing and wonderful person and one of the reasons why I have been able to get through this ordeal. You are a caring person so unfortuately, you will never get to the point of not caring. You need to just let him really go. Your H may still feel like you are being hopeful and he does not want you to be. He is not ready for a real relationship.
Take it one day at a time and live your life for you. If you need someone to talk to, let me know and I will call.
