Mom, Mlcers will go for the gold in most instances. They want everything and the appearance of what they are requesting will give you the feeling that they are out to destroy you. This is not the case, i.e., they are attempting to destroy everything that represented the good in their lives pre-mlc. Right now, your h doesn't care if you live in a tent or out on the street panhandling. All he cares about is lashing out and getting what he thinks is his, i.e., whether or not you supported him and his children or shared the expenses, he doesn't see it that way right now. It's all about him. It's called the "me, me, me" symptoms.
I understand where you are at because I was there 5 years ago. You have to stay strong and do not allow your anger and emotions to control your thought processes. You have to find a way to calm yourself down and look at those papers in a very rational way. You have to protect your children and yourself in this now and look at the entire situation now as a business deal and go from there.
Now, let's look at some of the things you need to think about. I'm going to offer you up some bargaining chips for when you speak to your lawyer. Is the house in both names? If so, it will most likely either be sold and the proceeds divided between the two of you after the loan is paid off or one you could buy the other one out and then walk away or you could attempt to negotiate w/him to allow you and the children to stay in the home until the children reach the legal age of 18 or until they graduate from college.
Did he make any requests about the items in the home that he wants? If so, start making a list of everything in your home and put an estimated dollar amount beside them.
Walk around the home and make a list of the items that you brought into the marriage or were given to you as a gift and who gave them to you.
Does he have a vehicle? If so, you shouldn't be left w/o one. You will need to point out that you need the car for transportation to and from work and for transporting your children. Also, you need to point out that he has a vehicle. Generally they will not take the car away from you if he has one.
Raise the issue of joint custody and also be sure to put a clause in the papers about college tuition and any and all health insurance issues for your children. You will need to spell out that he will be responsible for half of the children's activity expenses, i.e., uniforms, band equipment, etc.
When you are setting up what you feel is reasonable in the way of child support, etc., spell everything out. Do not leave anything for him to "assume".
Mom, a lot of them will put on paper unreasonable demands in order to drag things out. They unconsciously do this and let me tell you, you have to nip this in the bud early on or your legal fees will be quite expensive. Be firm, state what you want for you and your children and do not waffle. His requests are very unreasonable, but his attorney sees $$$ in this one. Lawyers always know when they have mclers in their offices because they ask for off the wall stuff.
I want to point out that not all mlcers will wait to file for divorce. Many of them will start divorce proceedings within days/weeks of leaving and then drag their feet throughout the process. Some may wake up before the divorce is final and others don't.
I can just imagine how you felt and I'm sure it's no better today. Do something for yourself today and leave the papers on the counter for a while. I know it's very upsetting, but when the dust settles, you'll be better able to see that his demands are totally off the wall.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
