I also want to say that everything I have stated, and that everyone else has said, as far as I can tell, is to keep HD’s marriage together, not split it apart. In fact, I think that continuing to look for just the good in MrsHD’s comments is what HD has done for too long. That is why things have become so unbalanced. It is precisely your fear of separation, which HD also feels, that keeps MrsHD in her power position.
Like anyone else, MrsHD has a mental line in the sand over which she will not cross. She may not even know it is there nor has she likely bothered to think about it, but when she sees it she will know it. We all do. That line which we come screaming up to in a huff of anger and resentment, only to look down into the abyss and suddenly realize this is as far as we want to go. We will not cross that line.
Whether that line is D or something else, we do not know. But we must find out, because until you look into the abyss and come to realize its cost, everything up to that line cannot be priced. For most of us that line is D. When you come face to face with its real cost, to you and your family, then the price of everything else starts to take on meaning as something you can afford to pay. Even the ego becomes easier to swallow.
Hairdog has had to cross that line before and he knows the cost. So he stays as far away from it as he can, which is what weakens him. MrsHD does not seem to have any idea of this. For her no price is too great to pay because there is no line that she can even see. There is no opportunity cost to her hardball tactics. Only by pushing her up to the line of D will she understand the cost of the abyss and the true value of respect and cooperation. IMO, that is the difference between tough love and enabling.
