I understand that it is difficult for most here to read EXACTLY and ONLY what HD wrote without inserting prior knowledge so I just wanted to point out exactly what was said in the exchange. I am naive about things and hopefully that can help.
Full Disclosure: I am still extremely raw after watching two of my best friends end their marriage last November. I have known both of them and been best friends with both of them for 20+ years. I know how good they were and could have stayed together. Selfishly - they were the couple I could call and whomever answered I could talk to. They were so in tune with each other and I knew they talked to each other about everything.
XH was the unhappy one, the one who blamed his wife for all their problems(Direct quote to me "I can only hope and pray that she will figure out her life now but I am not so sure" and complaining about her bouts with genuine full blown medically diagnosed depression "It was that third depression that really did me in" Yeah, like she got depressed on purpose!) and the one who insisted they end the marriage ("I love her but I am not happy loving her" an original spin on the ILYBINILWY dontcha think?)
So now he has changed the story and tells people that he left for his WIFE'S sake. "I did it all for her", he says
He is not a jerk and is not doing this purposely. He sincerely believes this! He is not living in reality. I lived with them for 3 straight months plus on and off for another 3+ months. I know both of their quirks and issues. In fact the H was much more like me than the W was! (He's an engineer and she was a teacher)
I am absolutely convinced he is going through a "midlife passage" but he will not accept anything other than his XW as the fault. In fact in their last counseling together he stated that his only fault in the marriage was "loving her too much and giving too much to her." (Yeah like the job interview question about your weaknesses and everyone says - I work too hard, too perfectionistic, etc.) He is not entirely off the mark. He probably did do too much for her at times but she NEVER asked him to so whose fault is that?? Trust me he does not believe that it is his.
Anyway, it feels like being a kid/adult whose parents have divorced and I have to say IT SUCKS!
So if I push for positive interaction and look for the good, that is why. I do not pretend that anyone is perfect but just look at the nice things HD wrote about his wife in the past 2 weeks! Is this really a guy who wants his marriage to end tomorrow if sex does not begin tonight?
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
