In the heat of battle all you have is faith. Faith in your training. Faith in your skills. (or indifferance but thats not HD) There is no guarantee.
Agreed. But I also know that faith and confidence in battle can mean the difference between winning and losing.
Just because you didnt have the previous experience to understand why, how, wherefore what you were being told, does not change the fact. Noone understands prior to learning, or they wouldnt have to be taught.
Agreed.
If you question those you have previously accepted as successes or instructors, then thats fear talking.
Agreed in principal, but not necessarily agreeing that those who have success can translate that success into other situations. Are you saying that I or others should look past fear and proceed on faith? I strongly disagree with this. The outcome may not change whether one has faith and no fear, or if one has no faith and fear, but it might.
What is the purpose of withholding information that might give security to someone? The “instructor” might know that the “student” is capable of tackling the battle, and maybe the “student” could get more out of the battle by confronting his fears, but then again, maybe not. This is a subjective value call on the part of the “instructor.” Nothing more.
Thats why you better make damn sure you are fighting for something you believe in.
That’s the problem for so many of us, isn’t it? Do we believe in the marriage or not? Is it worth fighting for or not? There is no certainty. If we could see the future and knew the outcome, it would be one thing. But since there is a chance that the marriage could survive, the risk adverse person will err on hoping for the best and work on the marriage, giving the benefit of the doubt. But this is fear driven too. But I’ve seen few people who truly know what they believe in.
s but not nearly as valuable as doing the deed. If you need a justification for things, thats just the 5's version of fear talking.
I’ll take issue with this. At one time I did see the logic in your view. Now I do not. Let’s use the Enneagram as an example. The fears of the 5 are real. They are what make the 5 the 5. To discount these as something the 5 should just learn to work through is to tell the 5 his/her fears, as well as other emotions, are invalid.
Instead, work through those fears as the 1 would do (or whatever category does that sort of thing). I don’t agree with this. I do say that a person should carve his own destiny, be like a canal and not wander like a river. But I do not think that should ever be done contrary to the emotions of that person. That is a recipe for internal conflict and unhappiness. This is forcing your self to feel something you don’t, which just happens to be what your spouse is trying to do to you, isn’t it?
A person is who he is. That is the unchanging part, in the short term. This is a constraint that the approach must try to accommodate. I believe a person can only accommodate so much change to his personality at one time. That means the approach must be altered for different people. What I hear you are telling me is that I should change how I feel because my fears are invalid. Maybe next year I will feel differently, but for today that does not fly.
Thats exactly why it will work and you better believe she is going to fight, and wail and rail and bluff and bluster all the way to make sure she can trust being that way with HD.
You may be right, but I wouldn’t bet on it. Not with what is at stake. I do not see this marriage as having a linear relationship between HD taking a stand and MrsHD backing down. I believe there might be a “tipping point.” At some unknown level, I think MrsHD’s defenses, resentment and ego can be pushed to the point that she could walk out or escalate into a major war with serious consequences. I don’t believe she has a high tolerance for a shift in power in the relationship.
But under this unknown critical level, I think HD can push and she will back down, as he has just seen. I think she will only take so much. So if HD believes there could be this threshold, I think it wise to chip away at the work to be down over a longer period of time, than through a bigger, more sudden change.
Most times a simple 'because thats what I want' is far more effective then a 300 page thesis when it comes to emotions.
Agreed, what I call your own emotional “last court of appeals.”
