Moretocome: I think she knows you aren't backing down this time...
Karen: No matter what happens Mrs. HD now suspects you are serious.
Personally I doubt this…. I think she is just regrouping, thinking that HD must have read some new book, and she will have to mount a little stronger effort to put him back in his place. But the interesting thing is that she sent him that article, rather than escalate with more anger and shouting.
HD,
What I wonder is why she sent this particular article. Obviously she is doing some studying on her own. Is she trying to tell you that she has no obligation to meet your needs, or is she focusing on some of your past arguments, basically accusing you of violent communication, as Lil asks?
With what we know of her, I wonder if she identifies herself as being the non-violent communicator, rationalizing that abstinence is her need and that you should be empathic toward her, blah, blah blah. In other words, do you think she takes those positives from this way of thinking and applies them to her, then applies the negatives to you, which would be consistent with a narcissistic bent?
Anyway, this opens the door for a LOT more communication, which is what you want. Regardless of what strategy she uses to begin, you can bet it is just another decoy and she will be going down some path of deflection. Just keep it in her face and don’t back down.
She knows she can intimidate you through power or bamboozle you through logical debate. The first did not work, when she saw you confront her. So I am guessing she has switched over to plan B. Hold the line on this. After some time (who knows how long) she will probably get frustrated that you won’t let it die, and switch back to plan A, outright intimidation again.
For now, I would ask her to explain what she means. Dissect it into as much detail as you can, not just to understand for your sake, but to see how she thinks and frankly, to wear her ass out. I think this is good because now she is in the position of having to explain things to you, rather than the other way around. She is engaging, so don’t make it to easy for her to make her case and then go back into her cave. Be a little thick-headed. Let her work at it for a while. Don’t be a smart ass, be sincere, just keep going and going and going….. Hang in there.
