LOLOL! What else do we want to execute? The wasbusta has possibilities......
Even doodle flavored tequila!
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
The whole thing is...we end up reminding them of what they really want and then they flit off into the real world and we are left poolboyless....they need to find replacements...I mean...my drink got WARM!!!!!!!
Well I suppose this is long overdue. The last time I was on the boards up until a couple of days ago was back in Mid January. So here it goes...
Well, last everyone knew, I was working on completing all of the final D settlement between me and STBCAXW. Well, to really keep this short, I WAS DOING ALL OF THE WORK WHILE STBCAXW CONTINUED TO JUST DO HER OWN THING! The burden of getting this D done fell on me.... How I was going to get the money to pay her? How is she going to get what she is "entitled" to?
So as part of the settlement, I am settling the property with her and additionally paying her additional $$ up front rather than pay spousal support - in other words - write one check for a clean break. So I have to get a larger home equity loan to do it.
I think before I had mentioned how we have accumulated a lot of debt and that I was taking these on in order to keep my house. Problem is, real estate market in Michigan took a huge crap! So my home which appraised for $450K in June 2003, now was showing $400K. Since I already had a home equity loan out, this $50K difference wouldn't allow me to even refi the old home equity loan to remove her name without increasing 2% points! So I couldn't refi the home equity loan and get the funds I needed to pay her off. Here is one of the reasons why I haven't been here.... Since mid January I have been trying to refi and NEARY EVERY SINGLE DAY has been spent on the phone fighting with this bank or that bank about the value of my home. Originally, I was all set then 2 days before closing, "Home value not high enough!" Then I started to look outside my bank - ended up trying to deal with 6 other companies at the same time to get a good deal - you have no idea how time consuming this is. Two weeks ago I finalized the loan I wanted at the rate I wanted, but found out STBCAXW would have to sign all of the paperwork because the D isn't final. BLEH BLEH BLEH!!!! So now I am just about finished in getting the quit claim deed done so I can remove her and get this loan done!
In addition, the D paperwork came back from her L. Her L did the bare minimum and there were typos all over that thing. So I take my copy and mark it up, give it back to STBCAXW. She comes back with "My L said if we make any more changes past this one then she is going to charge us (recall W has this covered under her legal benefits)." I ask for her L to get it right then! Then I just decide once again to take the bull by the horns - "Can your L just email me the document or email you the document, then you and I work to make it sound exactly the way we want it, then just send it back to her?" Of course, there is no way in hell of this happening. So I typed the entire agreement in by hand and changed it the way I wanted it. Once again, for something I didn't want, I have to take the lead on and make sure it gets done. STBCAXW and I review it and made more changes. I have reviewed it with my L and a friend who is a L. Some more small tweaks have occured, but it is close, very close. Then STBCAXW calls monday morning wanting to change a major portion of it again!!! FUDGE!!! I begged her to stop this nonesense so we can get this overwith. At the end of the convo - she thanked me for what I don't know.
I want this D overwith. I want it done. I am tired of this disrespectful person who still occasionally sleeps in my house out of my house and thinks her boyfriend can call whenever he wants! B!tch even drives his car and parks it in my driveway!!!
It has been over a week now and W cannot even get one question answered by her L so we can finalize this paperwork. Of course when I bring this up, she blames me for dragging my feet, bleh bleh bleh. This morning when I took the spew, I simply said "I don't have to take this from you anymore" and hung up on her a$$.
So the D is close and to be honest with all of you, it cannot come any sooner. I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around. In the end, STBCAXW will get hers.
Let's see what else.... There is almost too much to mention, but STBCAXW has gone on a week long trip to Las Vegas with XBIL. Oh and since my Sis (she used to be married to XBIL) refers to XBIL as "Jack" (short for Jacka$$), I decided to refer to STBCAXW as "Jill". So we have now "Jack and Jill"! I shall refer to her as that from here on out and to him as well.
In addition, Jill took another weekend trip with Jack. So in the nearly year that this has been going on (the anniversary of the bomb is March 28....) Jill has taken 3 trips with Jack and precisely ZERO with her children. Of course she continues to tell me how important her children are to her... Whatever!
My patience has fallen apart a little.....because every single day (I am not kidding you at all) every single day I am having to deal with some part of this D process while she does whatever the F she wants....It is getting to me.....I am getting to the point where I feel weak and cannot shoulder this burden anymore....I want her to be gone from my home and out of my life. She is not the person I married or fell in love with... I kept my vows for as long as I could.... My W (or at least the person she was) has died and has been replaced by this delusional person who cares only for herself. This is of course her problem. Except until this D is final, she is completely loose cannon that cannot make up her mind and changes it all the time too.
Okay, enough about her and the D business. My L did say I did an outstanding job and said "You have done very well for youself in this D deal".
Now about me...
Other than this intense D crap and the pain of having Jill around, I have been good for the most part. My life is moving forward, but is so limited by this D crap and Jill. I find it ironic that she gets to do whatever she wants but I left feeling caged... But it is hard to not let that affect you when IT WILL affect me for the rest of my life if it is not done right.
Kids are good and growing fast. Jill told children last weekend that she is having a relationship with their uncle - Jack. Just like her telling the kids about the D without me present, she didn't warn me at all. Just left me a note about it afterward. D11 said "Daddy, it really creeps me out." So I had a brief talk with them. Don't really care to share the details. S5 the other day said "Daddy, how come mommy doesn't come around anymore?" S6 said (in response to me telling her that Mommy and daddy weren't going to live in the same house) "Daddy we will miss you." I said "Honey, I will live at our house with you." Both S5 and D6 said "Yay!" I am worried about my children and the toll this will take on them. I have to be strong for them and I will.
I am getting ready to expand my small business to a much larger facility. This is exciting yet scary at the same time. In negotiations now, I will update as it goes, but tremendous growth potential if the Michigan economy can turn around.
I don't want anyone to think that you shouldn't fight for your M - I did. It was a vailant effort on my part, but that fight ended back in Nov 06 for me. Later that month, I did meet someone if you recall - "K". I am still seeing K and she is very very special to me. I don't feel it is appropriate to give too many details as I don't want to sway anyone away from their fight. I only see her once or twice a week and due to my sitch and the volatility of Jill only a few of my friends know about her (Jill knows nothing). This has been incredibly tough for both of us - not being able to spend more time or meet my family, but she has been incredibly understanding.
Perhaps we should have just met and stayed friends... I can't say. But all things happen for a reason, so I believe I was meant to meet her. I feel good knowing that I was in a very good place mentally and emotionally when we met. Healthy relationships with everyone in my life - that is one of my life goals! Time will tell, but for now, the outlook is really great. We really want to spend more time together and I look forward to the day she can meet my children and attend some family get togethers. K and I both know how important it is for us to be sensitive to the children's needs and their emotional state. She actually appears to care more about my children's emotional state and well being than Jill does and she hasn't even met them - funny how life is? As I said, life is good in this regard. And I am so glad our paths have crossed. It hasn't been easy at times given my sitch, but nothing in life ever is....
Oh, I know I have forgotten so much. But this has been long winded enough. The last several months have been rough in regards to my dealings with Jill and the D. I am trying to keep on my feet, but sometimes it is so hard..... But as I have said all along - everything happens for a reason. We don't understand why they occur when they occur - we can only know this much later after we go through the storm. All we can do now is figure out how to spend the time we have. I am going through the storm my friends. I am drenched. I am tired. I have been struck by lightning along the way. But I have the strength to keep going because I have a passion for life. It is my life and I have learned much throughout this process. I am already applying what I have learned and it is making a positive difference in my life.
I must continue to pray and have faith in God that everything is going to turn out in the end.
Santhony, Personally this Jack is disturbed by your choice of names for your STBXW's OM.
I also appreciate your words of caution about people's decision to fight for their marriage. We all have our limits, and we all think we know what they are, but until those are tried and tested we really do not know.
I am saddened, but at the same time happy for you.
Jack, but not your Jack.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Jack - just remember that you are a different fairy tale so you don't feel offended. You are Jack and the bean stalk - XBIL is a Jacka$$, er I mean Jack from Jack and Jill (who by the way fell down and broke his crown...... - he is going to if is he isn't careful...! )
You guys are in my thoughts and prayers too. This journey has been difficult. It seems since January - it has been even worse because the state of limbo I was in with the "6 month waiting game" didn't involve me having to crank through any D paperwork. But the refinancing nightmare, the flip flopping by Jill, and the D paperwork have taken its toll on me lately. I must regroup myself..... I am getting there, but it has been a slow road since January.
I spoke to Jill this morning. We are signing all of the paperwork today. I finished the D paperwork last night and other than a final look over from each of our L, she is planning to sign all of it. Fitting since today is the 1 year anniversary of the bomb. Seems so long ago in some ways, yet seems like yesterday for others. I am eager for this stuff to be signed and Jill out of my home and my life. I still feel sorry for her, yet her flip flopping and eratic behavior as of late have me feeling more anger towards her than pity. I think much of this anger has to do with how this affects my children. D11 said mommy's relationship with uncle Jack "really creeps her out." May God bless my children and watch over them. I will protect them as much as I can, but I will need God's help.
After we sign the paperwork, we only have to wait for the judge to give a court date - then her L goes in front of the judge stating the couple has already signed everything and then it is done. Like I said, I cannot wait for this nightmare to end and look forward to the lifting of this burden.
I have a question for you guys. Jill will move her stuff out within 30 days after it being final. I am a forgiving person, but Jack has pursued Jill for years and betrayed me in so many ways (Jill has to, but resolving the D issues has resolved some of it...). I have already told her that Jack will not be allowed to set foot in my home. I am prepared to be a real jerk about it if he shows up. I don't know why I feel this way, but I just do. It is not about letting Jill go - I already have a long time ago. It is not about coming to terms with Jill's R with Jack. It is about the destruction this could have on my children and the betrayal I have suffered at their irreverant hands. Just looking for some opinions.
Take care. I still need to catch up on your stiches.....
)