I think you might want to back off on the family dinners. You are beginning to chase him again. You might consider pulling back and having him chase you. Make sure the things that caused him to leave get addressed.
Keep getting a life and becoming the strong new you.
If he's serious about breaking it off he'll write her an email that he shows you telling her never to call, email, text message him again.
You can ask him to do this only when he is sure and ready that he wants to break it off.
The more you push him to break it off with her, the more he'll be drawn to her. His endorphins haven't worn off yet. He still has deep emotional grooves with her.
Don't give her any speeches at all. He will still defend her. The more you attack her, the more he'll want to defend her. Let her hang herself. Don't involve yourself in it. She's not worth it.
You are doing well, but you still have a long way till your out of the woods.
He did not tell her - that is if she calls again. He does not think she will call that she knows they are done based on he said they are done and that he has not called, txt'd, emailed or any other form of communication. I basically said if he is sure this time --good and if he breaks my heart again I file - I cannot go through this a third time. I really believe he is done with her and he knows I have a hard time trusting and believing in him but he says his actions will speak louder than words. H says one more month apart and then he will come home. H just wants her done for good too. Why he just can't tell her the truth I do not know - does not want a fatal attraction thing started??? Whatever just go with the truth - serves me best. He ended it on his own terms and came back to me - so he knows I am serious about ending it for good if he waffles again. My heart just cannot take it anymore.
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Well, that's kind of disappointing, isn't it? We would all love to actually hear the kiss off, wouldn't we? Since you know her, do you think the OW is the fatal attraction kind? My H actually made actually made a comment shortly after he told me about the A that eluded to the possibility of her going a bit crazy if he broke it off with her.. i.e - showing up at his work, etc. Glad your H is being honest with you, though.. That's a very good thing!
HB-it's great to hear that your h is honest with you. how is it going? did ow call? it's only been 2-3 days. sounds like you h is quite sure but if i may be the evil person, just don't be surprised if he cannot totally breaks it off yet.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
Well today will be seven days since she contacted him. H is done with her and I believe him. We spent all weekend together sneaking over to the apt for some 'fun' time after grocery shopping. The kids were happy they got to stay at their home ALL weekend and had friends sleep over.
H and I did date night (Sat.) and we had a lot of talking about OW and us and where we want our R to go. He really showed me his pain when he found a song that pertains to him/us - Hoobastank "The Reason" - he broke down when it was on the radio. I now know how hard this has been on him too. It did not help that I was this totally understanding supportive wife - one he could not just hate and up and divorce....
It's funny he ended over two weeks ago and he changes everyday - he can now see the negatives they (Ow & him) had and the positives he was giving up with me... H still wants to stay at the apt next month he's just trying to make up his mind if this is long enough (we have to let the apt people know this week if Apr is the last month). H is worried about if she is still calling when he's back at home - but so far she seems to have backed way off. We shall see... The next time she does call he promises to make it short and not so pleasant (that is if she does call again).... baby steps one day at a time...
My anxiety level has really decreased and I can now focus on my job for real!! Finally!
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
HB, sounds great. I will be interested to know the R talk if/when you are ready to share. You are reading my situation. I know if h comes back I/We will have lots of work to do and I am not sure if he is ready to open up. Truly I am so happy for you.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
H told me tonight he thinks he will break his lease at the end of April and come home then. I was really cool here, low emotions just reitterating that this needs to be his timeline and his choice (do not want his resentment later down the road). I am truly letting him control things for himself - this will be something I will always have to work on but I at least am now aware of how I used to be.
I cannot sleep now - you would think with Ow done and gone (she moves to the other side of town on Thursday - YEAH) I could relax. Not sure why I cannot sleep. We had dinner as a family at the apt and then H and I talked for 45 mins - mostly him stating why they fell apart and why they never would have worked out. H is thankful I never gave up or we would have been divorced by now too.
Baby steps - I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and NO it is not the train!
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
