This struggle goes far deeper than me, my needs for sex, my expectations, my selfish human desires. I'm in it for the long haul, and I'll see the blessings that I'm meant to see
Just beautiful..... this is what you are supposed to say.I too have told my h that I would stay with him regardless if we could ever have sex again, if he was ever unable to walk etc etc I would love him always even if he could do nothing for me b/c I love him and have chosen to give my life to him.. When you love someone really truly love someone you are in it for the long haul not just when your EGO is doing ok~
It really is not about YOU when you love someone it is actually supposed to be all about them..... ( read that somewhere) and that is the the motto I chose when I left my EGO at the door and fought for my M. Had my EGO gotten in the way I would not be here today that I know for sure.... Keep venting Cog and let go and keep on your way. You are doing well,, you just need to let her be. Maybe one day she an let go of all that you did. Hopefully for her sake she can and then you will also feel like a weight has been lifted. I hope God will bless her to let go of the old you and enbrace her Happiness. I used to hold onto the old too and not let go.. letting go is the hardest part.. .letting go and trusting that when you fall someone will be there to catch you.if you did all those things you stated I think they are wrong and she most likely felt very degraded very hurt by someone who was supposed to love her and protect her ...
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I never held her unless I wanted sex, I did'nt listen to her, and I made her feel stupid for having feelings about things. I reminded her constantly that I was better and she was flawed. I gave little back to her but a pay check.
my H has been guilty of these things... and he thought the Paycheck or the beautiful Cadillac was supposed to cover all the BS he did.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I applaud you ~ Sorry you are not getting exactly what you deserve.. but your blessings are still many and good things come to those who wait. You have to realize we all care a lot about you here and we do not like to see you suffer... but you have chosen to take the high road and live in the light now.. how wonderful.
God bless you honey.. God still HAS BLESSINGS IN STORE FOR YOU JUST KEEP BEING YOU..... Sex is beautiful and divine but there are many other ways to show love.. thank God you know that.You know for me that is an area where I struggle to really let go and be vulnerable.. So I empathize greatly and I thank you for you frankness and for your posts so that I may see what I can do also for my own life. You are doing well ~
My H used to never ever put me first and I used to feel too like I was just a sex object and not his partner.. it has taken me a lot of work and going into the depths of hell to let go and face my fears. I have to give in but it is scary as h*ll! I am still hoping when he gets home that I can let down my defenses really well,,, truly let go and trust,,, and ML like I never have before to him the Man I love~
.... but the man who has also hurt me more than I care to remember.Just give myself fully without fear, no more hiding and trying to protect myself.Being naked , my bare soul and that is REALLY scary.... Will he take me and love me and hold me and cover me and protect me forever and hold me above all others???Will he love me back and allow me to feel loved and safe in his arms? Crying now~ This is deep stuff honey..... God is good and great and he has a plan .... COG you are a wonderful man just keep folowing your heart and listening to that small voice in you and you will keep moving in the right direction.
