No I haven't said that. I've been so busy giving him space, I've been completely afraid to tell him how I feel. I hesitate to say anything to him when he's away, don't want to push him into doing something he might not otherwise do, you know? How can he stay faithful if he thinks I'm not trusting him? How can I trust him when he just goes about business as usual?
Btw, as a guy, what would be your reaction to your woman saying that to you? Would you feel like it doesn't matter what you do, it's never enough? Or would you understand?
I would understand with the situation that you are in.
I really think you should have a breif talk face to face about it...Not over the phone or through TM or E-mail but face to face. You need to pick the right time to do it though...
I am going to try and send someone your way that can give you a little more advice than I can....Give me a minute...
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Ben asked me to come over and give you a little help...
I haven't read your sitch fully, so I don't have the full idea as to where you are at. Reading your last couple of posts, it seems that you are a little worried about his stay over in the same state as the OW...since he has said some positive things and took you on the trip...I would not say anything.
Give him the benefit of doubt...you need to trust him...but at the same time keep your eyes open.
See how he acts when he sees you again...is it too happy? Too "staged"? Too enthusiastic?
Hold off on any R talk, yet...let me read your case before I can reply anymore.
I'll read it this weekend, when I can...then reply Monday.
You seem to have a great thought process and a positive outlook at life...pluses that work.
Thanks Ben and 1210. I happen to be fabulous at giving H the benefit of the doubt. Another weekend won't kill me. I'm hanging in there, and we'll see how this plays out.
I know I need to start sharing my feelings with him...I think he already knows most of them, and has been making efforts to check in often on this trip, I am sure to give me some reassurance. It's just hard to trust what he says, because he said the same exact things, same scenarios when he was lying to me.
I've given him the benefit of the doubt for-ev-er. I realize trust is going to take a long time to return. But shouldn't it require more effort on his part? Shouldn't he be busting his rear to get home or get a new job or fly me out there if he wants me to trust him? In what reality does the fact that he royally screwed up mean that I am required to do all the work?
Gah. End of rant. It's because life isn't always fair. It's because I love him. It's because it just is. And I can deal with it. After a good cry anyway.
...it's because you want him back, that you are going through the hoops right now...otherwise, you could have divorced him quite easily and never looked back.
In time - he'll open up, but let him know you won't pre-judge him....no matter what. Hang in there, things that you want out of life...rarely come easily.
Sigh. I know--thank you both. I'll think on ways I can be trustworthy in displaying my non-judgement
H called late last night to say goodnight and was very cheerful and chatty. He's alone so far. It's the next few days that really have me worried though, when he's out of things to do until his additional equipment arrives.
I think I need to find a sitter and have a little alone time for me tonight.
We all need alone time.....Helps recharge and keep up the fight for our M.
Just think your H called you last night to tell you goodnight. If that is not a positive I do not know what is...He sure as hell did not have to call you and tell you anything. Sounds like he is trying but really needs your help right now. And I am not saying offer help...He needs to see it come from with in you.
Think about it and come up with some Ideas and share with us. I might be able to help by adding my 2 cents.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
