New To Piecing III

[Just_Me]

COG,

I have to admit that I'm kind of at a loss for words with your situation. I don't understand all your wife's seeming uncertainties. It's almost as though she's not quite in the relationship. She realizes you are a good guy, but it seems more like she doesn't want you to get away just in case, rather than she's actually made the choice that you are the one for her. Know what I mean? It's feels more like, "I should love him", rather than "I do love him." But then again, I've never understood how you could love someone and not want to show it in a physical way.

When my XW finally told me she loved me, I was out of town having fun and she told me over the phone. She was waiting at my house for me and she promptly initiated sex. So, to me, reconciliation is hard to see when you don't get the whole ball of wax. Then again, there are plenty of sex-starved marriages out there. But I had in mind that I would not allow reconciliation if I was a fall-back plan. I knew I deserved better than to be her security blanket.

I'm rambling, but one thing I took from your posts is this sense that because of your past you now don't deserve more from your relationship. You do. You made the changes. You aren't the person you were back then and you deserve it all. I don't think there is any reason to justify why you shouldn't expect physical intimacy or to excuse her seeming indifference to your needs.

But how do you make it work? I don't know. I think you are so attentive to her needs now and such a good husband, that you might also come across as needy and dependent. Perhaps you need to take a little more "me" time and try to exude an, "I'm with you because I choose to be, not because I need to be", type attitude. Focus on your GAL activities for awhile. I really get this feeling that unless she is forced to come to grips with the idea that you aren't a given, she won't make the moves necessary to cement the relationship.