Hi L thanks for checking up on me I will go see your thread next - been missing our "chats".
Haven't been able to post for a few days as H is off work so we have been on days out and don't like him to know I'm coming here.
H was really sweet for Mother's Day as S is too young too doo anything for himself. He took S out to buy breakfast for me and got a card and made me a lovely Sunday Lunch. The row the day before was completely forgotten which is an improvement on our "old" M as the sulking would go on far longer.
I feel kind of wierd at the minute. Really insecure and unloved. I can't even really fathom out why in my head because H is doing and saying all the right things. Maybe I'm still struggling to trust him with my heart completely or I don't know if it is because I thought hard about how I wanted a R to be when we were apart and expect it to be just that. I don't konw. H doesn't seem to see why I should need extra reassurance because to him coming back should be all the reassurance I need. Maybe that is part of their alien being. He doesn't realise how much it all hurt.
I was counting up and in 2 weeks time H will have been back for as long as he was away!! I set this as a kind of milestone in my head when he first came back so to reach it is great. Maybe that will ease my insecurity a little.
Hi Rainbowlove - missed you glad you found me again!
Sorry you had a backslide too.
I have been trying not to make H feel pinned down - I know what you mean. He has noticed I've eased off the pressure. I think our row was because H works shifts and last week was his worst one where I basically don't see him for five days or nights. I don't get to sleep with him and then he's in bed all day and just up and out the door again. I felt really lost and insecure as we had started to get a lot closer before that shift. It also makes H really tired so I think that was what made me mention things and H react badly. He said last night he should have handled it better and not sulked all day and that he's sorry he didn't come to comfort me when I was crying. I was amazed. I think he has changed a lot too from what we have been through because he would never have thought about something afterwards and said anything like that before.
I think you're right about falling back into a rut. H hasn't taken me out for quite a few weeks now and when he first came back it was almost like we were dating again. I'll have to think of a subtle way of dropping this in - that he needs to romance me a little. Although to be fair to him we have made plans and S was ill and then we've been unable to get a baby sitter.
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Also, are you speaking H's LL's enough?
Who knows!?!? I think I am but I did struggle to decide what his was even though mine was blatantly obvious when I read it. I ran it past H and he said he thought he needed a bit of all of them! So I am trying to cover them all which is very hard work! Its H that isn't speaking mine! When we first met he was very unable to express how he felt or even know what his feeling meant for quite a long time and he seems to have reverted back to this. Not the best thing to happen when my LL's are physical touch and words of affirmation! He even said last night he does love me just not in the way I want him to. I did kind of then try to explain that that is exactly what I was talking about in the LL book! That there is not much point loving someone in a way they don't recognise. I explained it by saying it would be like me buying him a skirt for Christmas because I wanted it. I think it maybe sunk in a little - he seemed to get what I meant.
Write H a short (no more than 10 sentences) letter and send it along with him to work in a card or something. Just tell him how much you love him and how lucky you feel to have married him. That you'll respect his space physically until he's ready to come to you. Then drop it! Otherwise you're not speaking his LLs.
This is how men operate. He's not ready to ML to you right now and he knows that that's upsetting you. So he's upset at himself for not being able to ML to you. Men think that it's their job to make you happy. That's what they think, seriously. If they feel like they're not doing a good job, their morale goes down. Think about it, if you worked in an office where your KNEW that you weren't doing a good job and then your boss came in said to you almost everyday, "You're not doing a good job!" How would that make you feel? It would crush you, right?
Well, that's where your hubby is right now.
love you darling....hang in there and just continue speaking his LLs and don't, I repeat bring up the ML. Reinforce every other area that is good right now. Just like if your boss would compliment you for all the other work you're doing, then you'd want to tackle the BIG task that you've been avoiding all along. Get it? Sorry to be blunt, but you like me need it sometimes.
How's the weather in England? Our snow here is melting...And today is the first day of spring! So put on a nice frock and some red lipstick and celebrate!
Hey, what rainbow said is right on. Your H may be feeling down because he is unable to ML at the moment, and knows he is disappointing you. Tread carefully here, he is feeling just as fragile as you are now. And ML won't necessarily make everything A-Okay anyway. I am unsure still and we ML probably two or three times a week, sometimes. He says he is now committed to you and making things work out, so to me that is the important part, the ML is icing on the cake. So, be patient, and enjoy the cake and soon you will get to have some icing, too!!
L
P.S. When my H is off work, I don't come here either.
Thank you so much for your excellent advice as always. I don't feel secure enough to send a note at the minute though. It probably sounds crazy but I'm just scared of how much affection to show. I have started many texts with loving or romantic things in them and then not sent them in case H didn't like it. It feels a bit like when you first realise you love someone but you don't tell them until you're sure you won't scare them away.
As for putting on a frock and lipstick. We have had a major downturn in the weather over here. It had started to warm up but this past week we have had snow and although it didn't stay long it is now damp and miserable and absolutely freezing cold.
I love your comparison to being at work. I used to have a job just like that where nothing was good enough and it was awful -point well and truly taken!
Yes you're right. H says over and over he isn't going anywhere yet still I feel so insecure. Maybe it is normal to feel that way after such a major trauma in the R. I don't know because whenever a R has ended before that has been it. I am enjoying the cake it is very good!! My H has started calling me sweetheart again the last couple of days. It is wonderful to hear him say things like that again. It is getting hard to believe that just over four months ago I thought I would never hear anything like that from him ever again and wouldl have to move on and now I'm on the way to having the best M in the world with a loving attentive H!
My H has started calling me sweetheart again the last couple of days. It is wonderful to hear him say things like that again. It is getting hard to believe that just over four months ago I thought I would never hear anything like that from him ever again and wouldl have to move on and now I'm on the way to having the best M in the world with a loving attentive H!
THIS IS AMAZING!! Hang in there. I know it's hard, but try and do something you've always wanted to try, but never got around to doing. FOCUS ON YOURSELF!
I think of you often in good old England and send you a sweet prayer. It will come Inbliss....
rainbowlove ------------------- ALL IS COMING AND I'M GRATEFUL FOR ALL THAT I ALREADY HAVE!
Hey, IB, That's great that he is calling you sweetheart Rainbow is right, do something for yourself, it's something you need to do for your peace of mind and good PMA. I am going to get my hair cut today. That will make me feel really good. Then go get some new makeup. Then come home and clean the house
I think you are doing so dang well. I did say prayers for everyone here last night, and said a special one for you and a couple of others.
And we need to exchange some more recipes, I mean the way to a man's heart is through his stomach At least that is what I used to hear, but I wonder if there is another way
Although to be fair to him we have made plans and S was ill and then we've been unable to get a baby sitter.
So I am trying to cover them all which is very hard work! Its H that isn't speaking mine! When we first met he was very unable to express how he felt or even know what his feeling meant for quite a long time and he seems to have reverted back to this. Not the best thing to happen when my LL's are physical touch and words of affirmation! He even said last night he does love me just not in the way I want him to. I did kind of then try to explain that that is exactly what I was talking about in the LL book! That there is not much point loving someone in a way they don't recognise. I explained it by saying it would be like me buying him a skirt for Christmas because I wanted it. I think it maybe sunk in a little - he seemed to get what I meant. 
