He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

A punching bag seems like such a good idea. I'm sure I'd probably hurt myself if I tried using one, but it would almost be worth it just for the stress relief.

My hands were kinda sore after the first time I used it, but I'm getting the hang of it now I think. Seeing as how my arm and ab muscles were sore after using it, I think I'm probably doing something right. I've been trying to do 20sec fast boxing, then 10sec slow and so on for 3 continuous minutes, (I read on some website that that's how boxers train to build up muscle or something like that), but sometimes I get into the rhythm of the punch combinations and just start going faster and harder, uttering some synonym for "bitch" or "bastard" with each punch , and all of a sudden I realise I've been going hard for a full minute. I'm not a violent person by any means, but sometimes, with the right motivation, you just get in the zone.

Just out of curiosity, Ophelia, would you rather know who the OW was and what she looks like, or are you do you think you are better off not knowing?

Well some pages back I was ranting on about how I "needed" to know, and someone pointed out that I don't really "need" to know, I "want" to know. I only found out OW's name by pure chance. On the one hand, I've love to get a look at my "replacement", just to see what's so damn special about her and why she's apparently so much more worthy of H's time than I am. I guess my only motivation for wanting to know is so that I can judge her, which isn't really all that productive if I think about it like that. It'd also give me something to visualise when I'm punching the bag.

On the other hand, I know from MIL's experience with FIL's A that she did see OW, actually had a confrontation with her when she showed up at their house one day, and I recall one night, probably more than a year after the A had ended, and after a few glasses of wine, MIL divulged that she still sees OW's face everywhere she goes. Knowing exactly who she was kinda made MIL paranoid. Maybe she still has moments like that even now, years after the fact. Not so sure I want to end up like that.

It's a topic I struggle with on almost a daily basis, to be honest.

I'm glad your H apologized for not replying to your email. I would take that to mean that he still feels some level of accountability towards you, which is a good thing.

Yeah, that's a point, hadn't really thought of it like that. I got another reply, still casual, chatty type stuff. It's too bad it had to be prompted by the necessity of him having to get the marriage certificate, because that kinda puts a dampner on the whole exchange. I guess he could have just let the L send me a letter asking for it though, so he didn't actually have to email me about it, but he still chose to. I guess that's something.

Speaking of the L, I got a great big wad of forms with little "sign here" stickers all over them in the mail today. I've gotta sign them and return them. Doesn't have a deadline on it though. And miracles can happen because this time they finally spelled my name right! *falls off her chair in shock*

Hope your sore muscles feel better soon and best of luck with your lunch for the in-laws! I admire you for pursuing your relationship with them - I was quite close to H's parents, and I know that they are totally horrified by what he has done here and want nothing to do with OW, but I still feel terribly awkward calling them up or stopping by to visit them.

Muscles still sore, but not quite as much as yesterday.

It's really awkward trying to keep a relationship with the ILs. There are times that I love MIL more than my own mum, so I really don't want to lose the relationship I have with her. But at the same time, if H is taking OW home to their place for a roast dinner once a week like we used to do, then it's almost like I've already just been replaced, and if this R keeps on keeping on, then I'd hate for MIL to be in the position where she's gotta be torn between maintaining a relationship with me, and also trying to be welcoming to OW at the same time. Do I have a right to keep popping up and saying, "Please don't forget all about me?" for all time, or does there come a point where I'm just not allowed to have contact with anyone in his family anymore, because I've been replaced by OW? I was thinking about this stuff on the bus today and started to feel tears well up in my eyes. Thank God for sunglasses!

Honestly, I'm really quite nervous about lunch with the ILs tomorrow, to the point where I almost feel sick. Ugh! Someone make it all go away!