His realtionship with his whole family is poor AT BEST! His mother stayed with his father who was a jerk, to put it nicely. My XH was the "mouthy" one and got the brunt of his father's rage. I blame his mother for a lot of his trust issues when it comes to women. She set the stage for the rest of us. She was the ONE person who was supposed to make my XH feel loved and supported and safe, and she didn't do any of that.
My Xh refers to this lady at his 2nd mom and her family as his 2nd family. He goes over there for every holiday after he sees his own family. We had to go to his mom's house, then his brother's house then her house one thanksgiving.
I don't know... needless to say I have "issues" with this lady. I don't think she has his best interests in mind. If she did she would tell him that spending EVERY day over at her house isn't healthy nor is it helping him. She is allowing him to hide for his reality. She isn't allowing him to grow. She isnt going to be around forever to take care of him.
I think my biggest issue with this woman is that when he left in march of 2005 she was 'somewhat supportive' of me, until I told her I would rather have my XH be dead than this. (her husband died 4 years ago) I told her at least she never had to think he her husband sleeping with another woman, or another woman having his child etc. THen when we got back together she said she would support us etc.. etc.. Then when he left this time I e-mailed her and said "please look after him" and she asked "how are you?" And I told her that i feel like my husband has died for a 2nd time. Needless to say through the grapevine I heard this made her really mad, made her son and daughter really mad too. So I haven't heard from her since. Some support she was!
Sorry that was a lot of nothing babble! Good to get it out... but still R2
VENTING!!! Does it not piss you off when people tell you things like, "You will find someone who is better for you!"
What the heck! I don't want someone who is "better for me" I wanted the one I married thanks! And what does that mean "better for me"?! Do I need some very special man who can handle someone like me? Like I am some freak that needs to be looked after.
Why can't people just avoid the subject? Why can't that just leave it at pleasant chat about other things? Why does it always come down to me being bitter and finding someone who is better for me?!
When I was around my XH I was chipper nice and sweet. The only time bitterness would surface, it was less about him leaving and more about money. I would get a little testy when he would comment that he only has 5k of debt left to pay off then he can start looking for a house. I would just say, that must me nice.
When he left, he left me with ANYTHING that had any slight HINT of responsibility. So I have the house (And all the work and maintence), I have the animals, 3 cats and a dog (and all the work, and money that needs to put into them), and yes THE DEBT! He declared bankruptcy before we married so he had no credit so anything we needed when on my credit cards, that had my name on them. (Oh yes let me also mention that we bought a house and moved in together before we got married and 30 days befoe we were closed on the house he lost his job. We went from making 5k a month to just over 2k. So I supported both of us for 9 months while he didn't have a job.) So when he left he didn't claim ANY of the debt that was on my credit cards except what I had recepits to prove. He paid me 4k to settle the debt. Let me tell you that we put more than 3 times that on my credit cards during our 4 year marriage, with home improvement etc... etc.. SO THAT was the only time I was a little bitter. And who can blame me?! I am a teacher, I don't make lots of money and I get to carry ALL the responsibility he walked away from.
But generally I was a "happy go lucky everything is wonderful I am so happy the world is great, what can I do to make your life better" girl when he saw me. Of course now... apparently that was too much for him... so if you go to the middle of my thread you will find out that recently he has taken the No Contact option.:(
Today, while I have questions to ask. I will keep them to myself and continue to think about them on my own. (Though I am still curious what people think about my XH chances of going through to the other side if he is still spending so much time with his best friend's mom? (Read the above few posts.)
Today I feel odd. This odd sense of peace like everything will be fine. Maybe it is because I went back and read some communication between he and I from March 05 through our last communication. I am not sure if this is realization things are over? Or just a sense of I know he loves me and I know this is what he needs to do so I just need to be still.
I guess all that I can do is listen to my gut. As people have said many times on this board this is a rollercoaster. And maybe this is just a high point after a low point last week.
R2, You don't have to share anything with us until you feel you are ready or until you know that it is time. I think that we will all be here to listen when you do!
If you found inner peace, GREAT!!! This should help you on the rest of the ride you are on!
have a great night
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
TabD and J3Bears, Thanks for your kind words. I do hope the peace that has come over me is a good thing, and not the calm before the storm!
If you all are bored, I have asked lots of questions if you read my thread that no one has responded to or given their opinion on, so feel free.
I have had this feeling of peace before, and I don't know if it is b/c I "THINK" I know my XH so well that when his heart is at peace mine is too? Or what. I felt this way the past couple of weeks when we were spending lots of time together. So maybe it is good... maybe not... But I do like the feeling of calm and not being on edge.
TabD, I have really old threads around, but the current one of "Please tell me there is a happy ending!?!?!" Is the one I am currently using to ask my most current questions. It goes back to around V-day and it also recaps my sitch! I would love another person's advice or thoughts! THanks! r2
