2940 - reread the section in DR about detaching. There are also some links around (probably on the Newcomers and Midlife Crisis boards) about detaching and how valuable it is as a tool to lovingly distance yourself from your spouse and their behaviour.

On the business - you need to be strategic about it. On this issue, more than any other, you need to think with your head and not your broken heart.

Write yourself a list of what the likely outcomes of each approach are

It might be something like

1. H's preferred option - splitting the properties up

Presumably under this option - you would each manage your own properties - so any work that he had to do on his portfolio he would do and work you had to do you would do.

The pro side of this is you could still collaborate; share, rather than duplicate effort if you chose to, you get access to future profit on existing and ongoing developments.

Another pro is that if you chose to, you could sell your share and cash in if you wanted to.

The best pro is you would be demonstrating a really good 180 by agreeing that he knows what he's doing.

The con side is he can share his with whoever he wants to.

2. Your option - selling everything

I wonder if this is realistic? I think at law and in reality you wouldn't be able to stipulate what H did with his share of the properties. A court would split the properties down the middle and award them to each of you and what he did with his would be entirely up to him.

It doesn't sound to me like he wants to change career. You have had enough at the moment - but realistically, what else are you going to do? Do you have a plan for another career? What would you do with your nest egg?

Pro side of this option is - you get what your broken heart wants - a disolved company and the capacity to stick it to him.

Con side - probably a less than optimal sale price on some properties, you have no business left to do with him and no opportunity to show him how you are growing and changing.

3. A compromise option - leave it as is for a period of 6 months - but start to discuss a settlement agreement with a solicitor that could be enacted at any point either of you chose to

Pros - you've got a bit of time to get your head together and you will probably capitalise on value in the market during that period.

Pro - you both have a job to do and opportunities to do them together

Pro - This OW or another one will get sick of him still working with his wife and will start to get testy about it - thus pressuring him

Con - You will have to use every ounce of will power you have to give him enough rope to go through his crisis - and that may be too difficult.

There will be lots more pros and cons that you can fill in. Just think it through. There really is no reason to sort this out right away. A divorce process usually takes a couple of years - there is plenty of time.

Have a good day. V

V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.