I guess we differ on the likelyhood of success if he rattles the cage by saying "oh" and the like. But you are confusing me on that issue because in one sentence you say basically that is effective and the next sentence is that MrsHD likes the silence, so... Which is it?
I’m saying that for MrsHD, just saying “oh” and staying out of the pit will not get her to come out of her cave. If she doesn’t come out, she stays in her position of power and nothing changes. She likes silence in that she does not have to hear about her issues. Silence allows her to keep avoiding. So turn up the volume.
How is he possibly going to make progress without forcing her to change her stance? She is in the driver's seat. There is no way in heck she is going to give that up until he forces her out of the car.
Agreed.
No. It's tit for tat and not going to work.
Yes, it is tit-for-tat. But so far HD has not engaged in tat-for-tat. She tits (you know what I mean) and his tat is to walk away or back down. The 180 is standing up to her and letting her understand that he has power too, and can exercise it.
I know you believe that it will and I see you describe it all the time in your own M on this board, but I doubt it would ever get HD to the loving M that he wants. That's just my take.
You are confusing two issues. I am not preaching to HD on how to get a loving marriage. I am talking about restoring balance and respect. That includes a certain amount of “fear” for one another, knowing that each person has choices and that s/he does not have to put up with an abusive situation. Or maybe that is better called respect for each other’s boundaries.
Anyway, that has nothing to do with love per se, but I don’t think love can endure without it. There is still more unfinished work in my M. Until those issues are resolved, I do not see how we can have true vulnerability and therefore intimacy and love. That part is stage 3 of the growth of my marriage.
