Hang in there. I know that the clouds seem so thick and dark and it seems like the fog may never lift. But it will. Trust me. I've been there.
Your H is just trying to numb his pain for now it seems. Have you tried reaching out. If nothing else, write him a letter a week just telling him how much you love him and care about your family and that you want so much for both of you to heal and find a place of peace and happiness. At first, he might scorn you and get angry. Eventually, all this will pass.
I told you this wasn't a matter of weeks or days...H is going to take a while to heal. Many months maybe. But you've got to have faith. I've been at this for 8 months now and have learnt more about myself than I ever have before. Use this time to become the best person ever! Reinvent yourself and excel at raising your children and school and everything else that is not in turmoil.
You are now in the autumn phase of your M. It will be spring soon sweetie, trust me!! Take heart.
You're such a good person for trying so hard and know that good things come to those who endure, persevere and survive. It will come.
rainbowlove ---------------------- ALL IS COMING AND I'M GRATEFUL FOR ALL THAT IS ALREADY HERE!
yeah, that's just basically it right now. H uses the pc up to the wee hours in the morning then sleeps, wakes up by 10am then takes over the pc and the cycle begins again. i want to ask him to spend some time with us (me and the kids), like go to the mall and eat out. but how do i do that without having the impression of forcing something that he doesn't want to do. i think he doesn't to go out coz peole who knew us would see us, our children and then would talk behind our backs. i understand that, i dont blame him, i blame me . well, i leave it at that for now. though i feel sorry for the kids, not being able to do the things we used to do.
how was it for you guys? did have the same delimna? how are you doing now on your sitch?
My H did have an online EA about 8 or 9 years ago...when I found out I was so deeply hurt and betrayed (didn't think anything could hurt more....found out PA could)....anyways....I did what your H is doing...it was a way to escape...and also a way to avoid dealing with my depression!...I really think your H is depressed and trying to escape it because he doesn't understand all the feelings going on right now...
Might be time for an intervention with his doctor...or a counselor...
I give you credit for giving him space...but I think there is a time when you have to look at the big picture and this is one of them...
H is now on a new itennirary. he's been out of the house for 2 days. we're basically not on speaking terms. he just jumps out of bed and prepare to go out. maybe he's seeing another woman. that's what i think 'coz he told me months ago that he's gonna go look for someone better than me and much younger. REVENGE time!!!!!
i asked him 2 days ago, when he opened up about my past EA, what i could do to make it up, to regain everything. H told me "there's nothing you can do anymore, you've ruined your chances of proving that you are a good person". Ouch!!! it hurts so bad, it echoes every waking minute of my life.
H just went out awhile ago and dunno when he's gonna be back. i'm thinkin of going out too and look for job openings but my Ds are at home and D13 is having a fever. i feel so helpless and asking GOD to help me.
Hang in there. Love harder. Be nicer. You cannot and will not combat H's anger and hate with the same. You have to be the embodiment of love now. You are going to have to jump through hoops to prove your love. But no one said the path of true love was easy, did they?
So try in every possible way to please him, even when you're exhausted and tired. Write him small notes of apologies everyday. Be consistent in your ways.
You CAN do this. If Nelson Mandela can sit in jail for 27 years to save his countrymen, you can try to be the best W and mother for 7 months at least.
Give H space. Don't suspect him of an A. Assume the positive. It's most likely he's just sleeping over at a friend's house. Unless you have solid proof, don't make up your own reality in your head. Just because you had an A, doesn't mean that your H will too.
God will help you, but stay strong. God would want you to try harder. With truth and love, you can overcome anything! Anything! Everytime you go somewhere, TELL H where you're going or leave him a note. Do everything in your power to prove to him that you're a good person.
The guy is pissed off and angry and a part of him HATES himself for letting himself be treated like you did. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but just to give you an idea of what is going through his mind, alright?
I've been DBing for almost 9 months now and my guy is still skittish about trusting me again. So, change takes time and don't expect easy answers. Your H is smart for treating you the way he is. If you want to prove that you're a good person, step up to the challenge! LOVE HIM HARDER & BETTER.
Once trust is broken, it takes a long time to regain.
You haven't been here that long....you got to earn your H's love. Bit by bit. And it does get worse before it gets better. I had zero communication for 3 months with my guy. ZERO! It's hard for everyone......
Be strong and don't get into the victim mentality. It's your H that is the victim here. He's been hurt and torn apart. His world has collapsed around him literally. So SHOW HIM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!
And don't listen to when he says things in anger, younger and better! He said that in anger...GET IT!
Sorry to come on so strongly, but I keep seeing the victim role you play in your M and you're not the victim here. H is.
Hope this helps and I know you're a good person. Just prove it now! To yourself and your children and your H. Remember that your kids are watching EVERYTHING that is going on between H and you. Set an example of being a devoted loving W.
rainbowlove ------------------------- ALL IS HERE AND SO MUCH MORE IS COMING!
It's very hard. He's watching you. Be transparent in your actions. No R talk. My H was similar in not being home. He couldn't stand to see me. He is hurt. I'm sorry - this sucks but we have to suck it up and be strong, even when we don't feel it...
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
yes this time it's very very hard. it's basically an avoidance of each other. it just sucks when you have nobody to talk to. i just can't help it, sometimes i become so emotional and just suddenly cry....or get angry.
thanks to you.....you know you just being there lighten things a bit. i try to take into heart what you guys are saying and hopefully learn.
UA, thanks also for the email. i've just read it. i just hope i could find a job soon.
Take care R. You're doing well considering everything. Things will work out. Just have faith, alright? It's hard for all of us. And the funny thing is, it doesn't get much easier...
O well...
Hang in there.
rainbowlove ---------------------- ALL IS HERE AND SO MUCH MORE IS COMING!
. well, i leave it at that for now. though i feel sorry for the kids, not being able to do the things we used to do. 
but we have to suck it up and be strong, even when we don't feel it...