No, we've never done a WWME weekend. My parents used to recommend it from time to time, as they used to TEACH/FACILITATE them, but we've never done one. I honestly don't know anyone for whom they've worked more than short-term (I seem to recall that you came back all fired up, but since then, things have fallen back into the status quo?), and our lives are SO full with the activities of the four kids and both of our jobs, I'd hate to take all that time away.
You may be right about the short term benefit. I know things are not all wine and roses since we went to Retrouvaille. On the other hand, what is so bad about a short term benefit? Do you take a vacation with the expectation that you will never have work-related stress again? Of course not. You take a vacation to kick back, relax, and recharge so you are better able to handle the stress of work when you return. The short term upswing in the M may be what is needed to work through the down times. My W and I still have moments where we want to throw in the towel, but we are still here fighting the good fight.
Look at WWME or Retrouvaille as a good day in the stock market during a bear market. The stock of our M has been steadily declining for years. It is lower than it was 5 years ago. Without that big upswing in the middle, the assets would be gone and we would be bankrupt. In fact, it may be time again for some kind of short term benefit to pump up the share price.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
Choc, you are making excuses, and you know it. If you wanted to do it,you'd find a way to get away for those two days. I know all about kids activities, pressures of jobs etc (we've got six kids, from 17 to 2 and none are driving yet...sorry, you aren't going to get that bit past me).
WWME would still be working for us if MrsGGB was willing to do the dialog. She stopped because she was uncomfortable opening up. I'd go back to it in a heartbeat if she'd agree to give it another shot. Even in the context of our short success with it, it was well worth the investment of 2 days. I've seen what a difference communication can make, and it has caused me to find other ways to open up and at least try to hold up my end of the communication. Our marriage is much stronger as a result of that weekend 2 1/2 years ago even though it is still not as good as it could be.
WWME is a lot different than promise keepers. The burden, as you put it, is split evenly on both of you. There is nothing about it that makes it the Man's responsibility. It is nothing more than a workshop to help you learn to communicate intimately with each other.
I urge you to give it a try, or at the very least talk at length with your parents about it to see what it is REALLY about. What have you got to lose? 48 hours seems a very small price to pay to potentially put your marriage back on track. Unless of course you are turning into Cemar and just want sympathy rather than to work for a solution. Heck, even if you get nothing out of it, it is a weekend away from the kids and pressures of the home and jobs and spent focussing on each other.
Hey, don't pile on Choc. IIRC, there are a lot of similarities between Choc's sitch and mine. Maybe no NPD thrown into the mix, but still pretty similar in a lot of ways.
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OK -- I vote for her. I'm weary of always being the one. Furthermore, I submit to you that there' a reason why she doesn't: because she knows that the roads will lead to her issues, and she's terrified and riddled with guilt about it.
This really struck me and rang true. It perfectly describes my W. Those of you who have been here long enough will remember W's reactions at the C. Once most of my issues had been dealt with and some of the focus swung toward her, she quit going. She wouldn't talk to either C. All I could get out of her was, "There's nothing more he/she can do for me."
If your S is unwilling to address their own issues, for whatever reason, no action or amount of action on your part is going to change the situation. I realize that mine is a special case since NPD is involved, but I've pretty much come to accept the R as it is.
Sorry to say it, but nothing has changed. I've been working on the GAL thing and am enjoying life a lot more, but the M remains the same.
Now that I've said that, I have to admit that it's not entirely true. Nothing in our R has changed, but I've been learning to deal with the NPD and I'm doing better. There have also been some other changes that have lessened the tensions around the place.
For one thing, we now have two of the girls off to college. D19 would never make any effort to accommodate the NPD and was openly confrontational with W. There was, and is still a lot of bitterness there, but since D19 is off at school rather than living under the same roof, there isn't the constant opportunity for conflict.
D15 is the only one left, and she has become quite adept at avoiding W. I've kind of stepped back from W's animal rescue stuff and spend the time with D15 instead. While W is doing her animal thing, we do drill team, soccer, shooting, a little mountain biking (a misnomer in north Texas) and some other stuff together without W and have a great time.
So to sum this up, the SS part of the M hasn't changed at all. In fact, I honestly can't even remember when we last ML. But W has always been fine with that and I'm doing much better with it. I'm feeling good about myself, I have a good R with my kids, conflicts with W are way down, and I'm happier than I've been in a long time.
Welcome back, Bubela ( okay so I took that from Hairdog)! Glad you are feeling better about life...sounds like you spend a lot of quality time with D15, lucky girl!
