You're correct, telling her outright is not a good idea.
You show her by being consistent. Be forgiving. BE her safe place--so no judging. If she files--contesting can show you do not want it.
Validate her feelings...ex. she feels she needs a divorce or it is the only way
...validate, tell her you realize that and accept her feelings, and yet you disagree. It is okay to disagree...feelings are not right or wrong, so validate and help her to feel safe.
The tough part is to be soft and forgive--the safe place while also remaining firm when appropriate...no enabling, she will push your buttons to test your new strength and lack of arguing and judging. Understand that she is testing--often deliberately. That is why consistency is so important...do not fear the anger...mantiaing peace and forgiveness.
