Valentines day massacre

[LoginName]

I'm very impressed by your attitude. It really is realistic too. This is a terrible, awful, time for you, but also an opportunity to be really awake and really learn to live your life.

It's been about 6 months of this for me, and I still cry, a lot. I couldn't listen to music for months. It seems every damn song is about love, or heartbreak, or cheating. I still tear up easily and quickly. My co-workers must think I have an eye desease.

So do I get a "have an affair free" card if we get back together

LOL, no, sorry, you don't. If you've read my sitch, you know I had an A a few years ago. It is the worst thing I've ever done in my life. (Maybe your W will feel that way someday too.) The A I had resulted in me losing respect for myself. If nothing else, I always thought I had integrity. Admitting to my best friend, and my mother and brother, that I had an affair really hurt. I was actually afraid they would disown me. The pain I caused my W when she found out (just recently, long story) made me feel awful too. And of course, there is my OW. She was fantastic in many ways. She was a good friend. Now I can never see her again. And I hurt her. Almost nothing good came out of the A. My W feels the same about hers. Her OM could have been a great friend (maybe even my friend. My W says he is a lot like me (ain't that special?)). Affairs are a bad idea. My feeling now it, and I plan on telling my W this too, is if she wants to 'date' someone, then lets get a divorce. Let's at least be honest about it.

That doesn't really apply to your sitch. Your W may be in MLC. Both of you are confused now. No need to demand a divorce or anything else for that matter.

We all put our Spouses through crap. They gave some to us too. It's good to see what you did, what you're responsible for, own it, accept the consequences, but don't over do it. The past is done, you can't change it. You can learn from it. You made mistakes. Learn from it and do better. You're not a bad person because you made mistakes. She put you through some crap too I bet - But! don't even start expecting her to admit her own failings. You don't have that right and can't make her accept responsibility, or make her do anything. Take responsibility for your own faults, ask for forgiveness (someday, if not now) and then learn and move on.

I don't know anyone in CT. Since you have computer skills, here's an idea for you. Try to get a job in software testing/QA. That's what I do. It's a field that still allows people without degrees to work as a professional for pretty good money and pretty comfortable work. If you got in at entry level, my guess is the pay would still be at least 25000 per year, and probably more. Testing can be interesting and fun, and it can turn into a career. If you're a Vet, the VA can probobly help you find a job. Any other groups you might belong to that can help?

I don't think the bike will hurt your chances too much, or even at all.

Here is an idea for you to consider, if your house is big enough. Get separate bedrooms. My W and I have done that. It really helps both of us get some much needed sleep. I hate that she is not in my bed, but I couldn't stand the way she moved all the way to the edge to avoid my touch. Again, just an idea. Meanwhile, I'm jealous your W lets you touch and massage her. I imagine it is painfully bitter sweet, but I'd love to hold my W again, and touch her. I don't think I could stand it though either.

The fact that your W is (maybe?) having an A really makes me think you should be doing the LRT. Can you afford and would she go to any counseling (C)?

Like you said, there is a sunrise coming, and it'll be beautiful. Life keeps going, even when we don't think we can stand it anymore. It shows us wonderful things all the time. Sometimes we are too wrapped up in our own problems to notice them, but they are there.