Hi! No he has not read it and he is not willing to read anything I ask him to!
I have tried to discuss this with him... calmly, in emails, letters.... I never blame him or put him down. I get really hurt that he seems unwilling to do discuss it. He always told me..."if one thinks there is a problem, even if the other one doesnt, there is a problem". I knew things would calm down but I just dont want him to stop doing things and become roommates. I am always doing things that I know makes him happy. He tells me that he is very lucky. ?? How come he just cant get it... all he has to do is hug me, kiss me once in awhile... ? To me, it is so easy!!! I have told him that a hundred times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He will do good for a bout a week. Its like he needs to be reminded but I dont want to because then I feel like a nag!! I think I am easy to please!! lol
Anyway...this weekend, I acted really happy (which I was most of the time) and not needy at all. I did stuff on my own and told him that I got him a little gift to make him feel special but then kissed him and went shopping!!! I did tell him that I am not going to worry anymore, and I am going to just be happy an try to be the person he fell in love with...... well..... I got REALLY good results!!!! I am gonna pray for strength to keep this attitude up!!!
Quote: ----------------------------------------------- How come he just cant get it... all he has to do is hug me, kiss me once in awhile... ? To me, it is so easy!!! I have told him that a hundred times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He will do good for a bout a week. Its like he needs to be reminded but I dont want to because then I feel like a nag!! I think I am easy to please!! lol -----------------------------------------------
He doesn't get it because he doesn't understand its importance to the continued health of the relationship. That was my problem with my wife's issues. I thought, probably like your husband, that I had "taken care of that, so why is she nagging?".
I am glad that you are not being needy/grabby, that is good.
Quote: ------------------------------------------------ I did tell him that I am not going to worry anymore, and I am going to just be happy an try to be the person he fell in love with ------------------------------------------------
The problem with that is that you let him off the hook, and your relationship needs to grow. I don't mean that you shouldn't be happy or have a good attitude, but that it is perfectly normal to have expectations of the relationship. You may have to compromise, but the two of you need to have a mature enough relationship to be able to effectively negotiate changes in your relationship.
Please keep me posted as things progress (or not). Also, please tell me about you and your husband as things come to you. Odd comments (statements that really stuck with you) made by your spouse about you or other things also help me with a "picture" of your relationship.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I am always telling my best friend that I have such mixed feelings... I know I deserve affection and to be happy but I do not like asking for it all the time, I mean I am ok with talking about his/my needs and desires but not beggin for it. Make sense? I am a pleaser, I would do anything he ask, maybe that is partly why I get so frustrated, I want him to do the same for me plus I dont ask for much!!
I know I let him off the hook, in a way... I know that may not end up good because I am kind of frustrated that by me doing that it makes it all go away for him and he doesnt have to talk about it now. But... I am willing to be the one to make the first step in trying to do something "different" (like the book says). I want him to own up and take part in the changes but I just can't keep bringing things up, I am tired of hearing myself talk!!
Things are good right now, I will keep on being positive and not needy. He woke me up yesterday morning... if you know what I mean!!! That hasnt happened in a very long time!! Woowee!!! I know he has to think about my feelings, he knows that my heart is in it!!
Have you asked hubby to help you with putting the kids to bed? If you can get him to participate, that is at least something that the two of you can do together, also, it might keep him awake longer and provide more time to interact.
If you can get him involved with bedtime, then I suggest that you continue to treat him the same, but you reduce the amount of conversation you have with him by half, but only when you are doing things together. That sounds counterintuitive, but some uncomfortable silence may put pressure on him to start a conversation to fill in the uncomfortable silence. Then you let him talk about his interests and you validate him. If you can get him to talk, and he asks about you or your day, answer briefly, then move the conversation back to something that he is interested in.
If you can get him back into the habit of having normal conversations and interactions, then he may more amenable to talk about changes in the relationship a bit later on.
Please let me know what you think.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
First of, I will try ANYTHING that feels comfortable and this does!! He is quite the "talker" just obviously not about relationships. I do understand what you are saying. I think it is a good idea for me to talk briefly (and positive) then turn it around!!! Give him all the encouragement it takes to get him going!! I am not sure how I will ever approach the subject of us again because eventually I will want to talk. Talking brings intimacy and I want that so badly!!!!
He called me this morning just to say, "You're the best!!" I was shocked and so happy!!! WOW!!!
Not always... is that good or bad? I am an emotional person. Guess I do that because when I am typing, its hard to express how important or excited I feel about somethings!!
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
