Amy, not only the new folks benefit, but some of us "old timers" do also. Perhaps my x will also "wake up", and I'll be better prepared in part thanks to your posts. On the other hand, perhaps she never will and that's why its important for folks to look after themselves and move along. For the new folks, yes, you can do both. Important to note, some few never do "wake up" and remain stuck. Thanks again Amy.
I am of the opinion that the reason for that is pride. Especially in men.
The HARDEST thing for me was turning around and saying I'd been wrong. I had to also go to my mother, my sister, my aunt and worst of all, my Grandma, and tell them, try to make them understand, that I did not see things for what they truly were and that I bore a good sized chunk of the blame for the state of my marriage. See, if your spouse is an unchanging ass and you have an affair, you've justified yourself. I did. But if you find out your perception was flat-out WRONG, you just become an adulterer. It was hard to realize that's all I was. Lost though I may have been, I'd prayed for God to show me myself as HE saw me and THAT is just ONE thing He showed me about myself. Each visit, each phone call looming before me back then was another opportunity for me to just run. I came so close... Facing my husband was the worst. It was a long process. That "talk" was actually more a series of talks. But I could have cut and run at any time and I sure as hell wanted to MANY times. But when you find yourself face down in the carpet night after night for 2 weeks straight and all you can do is cry and say "help me" because you can ACTUALLY feel the pain you've caused the one who loved you the most in the world, you'll do whatever He requires and He required that I go to my husband. He required that I go to my family and set things right.
I think all MLCers wake up.
I just don't think they all "own up".
It is the single most difficult task I have ever undertaken in my life.
