Glad you're back. Take alesjadams advice to heart. Read that post over and over again! Your M can be saved and in fact I see only hope for you. You need to not be so pessimistic though, ok?
Be positive and keep praying and showing your love to H. He's terribly hurt, but he'll come around. Work on yourself and REALLY work on taking care of his needs and him. You might have to do this for a few months before he is fully back, but don't give up.
BE strong!
love you girl (((hugs))) rainbowlove ------------------------- JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!
im happy to be back on the post. your insights are wonderful, very encouraging considering how lost i am now. i try to take in everything and just about anything right now.
to alex,
yes, i believe i'm back to square one with the M. i understand that what we had was gone and im trying to build something again.....just don't know how, just yet. _____________________________________________________
journaling:
saw H yesterday going over some posts here and i think he read mine too.....i just smiled and teased him a little. would it be okay for him to do so?
i was watching tv in our bedroom. he saw me there after he took a shower, sat beside me....hugged and kissed....i really appreciated what he did. been waiting for it but not really expecting. i know, coz it hurts when we expect things to happen and it doesn't. anyways i'm happy with his gesture, i kind of like it more than S. we also talked a little about my schedule at school and my duty hours....which is so erratic and changing unexpectedly for several days.
off to bed with D10 (she sleeps with us)...H went on with what he's doing with the PC.
saw H yesterday going over some posts here and i think he read mine too.....i just smiled and teased him a little. would it be okay for him to do so?
Are you talking about him reading your posts or the teasing? If he feels comfortable about the teasing, then it's OK. It all depends on him. Just be there for him.
I know what you mean for wanting things to happen and they don't. I had my expectations too high for a while, and set myself up for some backsliding and disappointment. Now I am not expecting anything from W (who cheated) but just trying to take it slow each day. That's all we can really do.
Hey, if your H is there, and gave you a kiss and hugs you, you are on your way!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
yes, i believe i'm back to square one with the M. i understand that what we had was gone and im trying to build something again.....just don't know how, just yet. _____________________________________________________
journaling:
saw H yesterday going over some posts here and i think he read mine too.....i just smiled and teased him a little. would it be okay for him to do so?
i was watching tv in our bedroom. he saw me there after he took a shower, sat beside me....hugged and kissed....i really appreciated what he did. been waiting for it but not really expecting. i know, coz it hurts when we expect things to happen and it doesn't. anyways i'm happy with his gesture, i kind of like it more than S.
R, you're doing so so well. Very proud of you. It's ok for your H to read your posts on DB. If you hide anything from him, he might get suspicious and you've only be genuine and sincere on the boards here. So yes, it would be ok for him to read your posts. Maybe you can welcome him to post if he wants too. He might not take you up on that, but it's been done before where spouses have used this board to communicate with each other in a safe way.
It's great that your H is showing you love and affection. Extremely positive. You're doing great!! Keep doing what you're doing. SHOWING H your devotion and love.
The re-sculpting of the R will come in time. The two of you will figure it out. In order to do that, figure out what it was that caused you to seek the attention of another man in the first place and find ways to deal with those causes. Also, ask H what makes him feel loved by you...i.e. when you cook him a nice meal of his fav. foods? When you iron his clothes?
BE loving in all ways to everyone around you and you will find that love returned to you 10-fold.
blessings my dear
rainbowlove ------------------------ JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!
It's great that your H is showing you love and affection. Extremely positive. You're doing great!! Keep doing what you're doing. SHOWING H your devotion and love.
hi rainbow,
what u said are nice...but i don't wanna keep my hopes up. it is just too good to be true (if that's the case). something is bothering me for the past days and i don't know what is....it's like something is about to explode. --------------------------------------------------------
journalling:
H lashed out again last night, which unfortunately led to some argument. i told him i really respect his point of view of our situation, and of me. if he thinks i'm a "slut", and the one to blame for everything...so be it. nothing i can do about it... i mean i brought it to myself and not him. told him i'm sorry i could not live up to his expectations.
i wish i could just disappear in an instant.....so they could just live their own lives and forget about me...like i never really existed. that's just how i feel right now.
still praying... _______________________________________
im happy for your family and thanks for being there God Bless.
So sorry that H lashed out at you again...and that you feel so despondent. But the storm will avert...if you give it time. I also like that you weren't defensive with H. Unfortunately, that's all you can do for now. I said the same things that your H is saying to you to my exH after I found out about his A. I told him he had the moral of an alley cat, etc...But it was because I was so hurt and angry and everytime, I thought I was less angry and healed, the rage would explode again.
My friend, this pattern goes on for a while. Your H needs time to heal. Time, time, time. Time is your friend. I've been out of contact with my man for over 2 months now and haven't been together since July....but I know that time is my friend. There are unfortunately no instant solutions in life. It's tough, but if you really mean what you say about loving your H, you're going to have to hang tight and continue to show your remorse and love and devotion.
True love is kind. Love is patient. And it's not easy!
You have nothing to lose with being optimistic. Pessimism only leads to more unhappiness and low spirits...because you're constantly assuming the worst to happen. So keep your PMA up and continue your dedication to saving your M. It's going to take a while...but your H will heal.
As I have! I now completely respect and admire my exH and understand that his A was just a way to feel better temporarily. It doesn't make it right, but I no longer have any anger towards him. It took me more than a year to get to this place.
Continue praying...and come here and post...
Love and hugs....and lots of prayers. You're a good person. Things will turn out fine...Just have faith. Alright?
love rainbowlove ------------------------------ JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!
Just remember, healing doesn't happen in a straight line! Your H will have ups and downs. Some days, he's going to feel love for you and some days his anger will come to the surface.
I know this because I lived through it. I was exactly in your H's shoes. So, don't be discouraged if he lashes out occassionaly. Just ask him ,"How can I make it better? What would it take for you to forgive me?"
hang in there dear...
rainbowlove --------------------- JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!
tnx for being so dedicated in responding to my posts. we're out of town for several days, so i have some backlogs in my posts. it was a much needed vacation and i think things are quite alright now. H still lash out once in a while, as expected. i just hope i could continue to look at things more positively.
Hi R...just now found this post and wanted to reply on a few initial things...
What you did was SEX with OM....oral sex, manual sex....it is still being unfaithful....but then you knew that...
The good news in all of this is that you broke it off and you confessed to your H....this is very hard and not something that everyone is able to do....
Your H needs time....he is deeply hurt....I am not sure of your cultural upbringing but he probably feels shamed by what happened too....
Just keep being the best wife and mother you can be....in time he will SEE your dedication and begin to trust you again....now you know the dangers of being in close contact with the opposite sex....it can happen to anyone....so now you know it can happen to you and now it is up to you to avoid those situations...
I hope things work out for you and your family....everyone should have a second change...
first of all im sorry that i wasn't able to post for a long time. im in "hibernation", trying to reflect and contemplate on the things that has happend and is happening in my life, in my marriage. im desperately trying to find aswers and solutions to the tons of problems i have. i sometimes feel i couldn't make it anymore, i want to give up. im drowning but my Ds keep me afloat, but i dunno for how long.
the days in hibernation i spent with my Ds, completing my requrements for graduation and studying for the exams. i also watch Oprah and Tyra show whenever i could since i could not post 'coz everyone's using the computer. there are also days that im more irritated and angry than happy. its already straining my R with the Ds esp D13. i dont want them to be affected by what im going through right now. i love them very much, and it hurts me to put them through this. i dont wanna make it worst for them. would it help, if i go away for awhile? im in the worst of a bind right now, no money, no job.... Gosh!problems do come one after another.
im trying to divert my attention by watching my movie collection over and over again. i just practically stay inside the bedroom and watch movies esp when the Ds are in school, and H is using the pc morning to night. i sometimes go outside and play with the dogs and do some gardening since i dont have class anymore and will be graduating next week, hopefully.
well guys im thankful for this chance to post (H is sleeping). thanks for reading.
