I heard an echo when I read the post below - so much like my life - down to the LTR with someone just before I met my W (and I too was summarily dumped, and heard that the x-girlfriend "cried" when she heard I got married.). Perhaps this is a common story, but so much like what I went through.
For fear of sounding self promoting, look back through my thread in my early days of piecing - if for no reason to reinforce there is still a bit of ride that needs to happen before our WAS's get their head around all of this.
I also know that just prior to and shortly after starting to piece, I REALLY had a take it or leave it mentality as well. And in some ways I still do today. Mostly this has come from taking back MY life and living it the way that I wanted. Leading, not following. Therefore the by take it or leave it is that I focus my life, direction, virtues, etc. on the things that give me the greatest joy. What you focus on expands. In essence, this is almost like a full time GAL. I also try to carve out those things that are "lost causes" or things that no matter how much you put into it, just won't yield anything good. I have a life "mission" statement that guides me (I think I posted it in my piecing thread somewhere too).
All that said, I wouldn't give up yet...but consider where you need to focus. For me, my W was saying a lot of what your W seems to be telling you - still unsure about if she can "feel" that way toward you. I did what was probably the hardest thing all of us do - I ignored it. Said, off I go! You're welcome to come along but there is the door if you don't (I'm speaking metaphorically here).
What happened, I just started living and GAL'g while we pieced. I KNEW in the back of my mind that my W "loved" me and that what she craved is being around someone that knew where he was going in life. Throw in doses of the flirty stuff, etc. and she was caught in the wake...but it happened really slowly. Note - she didn't fully "recommit" until December. Physically, intimacy didn't start until just before that. Yeeshh.
Anyway, all I'm saying is you have a brother in arms - and in the end you cannot make a decision for someone. You can however be the subtle salesperson that through his actions demonstrate a value that a WAW would be silly to walk away from....
Hang in there.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
