The only new thought I had with regard to your sitch is that when you wake up in the middle of the night with the visual of Mrs. HD gritting her teeth why don't you get up and move to the couch. A few nights of that and she may ask "Why have you been moving to the couch?" The answer would be "Are you asking me to grit my teeth and sleep next to you just for the appearance of an intact marriage?"
Probably not productive but it just seems very difficult to have her see your side.
