Rob #7 - Night into Day (moving to Piecing)

[Rob1231]

Well, life certainly continues to be interesting in the House of Rob.

D15 has been acting down, off and on, for the past couple of months. The last week or two she has seemed really depressed, withdrawing from friends and from me and W, spending lots of time with her head buried in books and her new ipod. This is unusual for her, she's typically very social. She asked us a while ago about getting her a counselor appointment, and we already have one set up for next Monday. Given that she's always struggled with her ADHD, plus seeming to hit the 'teen angst' years, it seemed like a reasonable idea.

Well, last night at bedtime, D15 finally opened up a bit to W and then to me. Heavy teen sh!t going on, with many of her friends. D15 insists she's not in deep doodoo herself, but is reacting to all of these other kids - hope that's really the case.

The biggie: One GF, whose dad is in prison on embezzlement charges for the past several years, just had her mom finalize the D papers against him. Supposedly, this GF had her second unsuccessful suicide attempt earlier this week.

Another GF's mom is STILL trying to D her abusive dad after 6 or 7 years (the judge is an old family friend of the dad and won't recuse himself is what I'm told.) This GF has gone through phases of cutting herself with knives - I guess this is a new 'trend' among teenagers, I had not really clued into it. Yuck! Scary!

A third GF, a really smart and talented kid, is apparently suffering from insecurity over her appearance and panic attacks over any little thing that goes wrong in her life.

And a couple of other friends are into booze and drugs.

Whew! I can see how this is all pretty overwhelming for D15, who's honestly always been a little naive and immature. Welcome to adulthood...

Tonight, W is out of town until late on a day-long biz trip, so I plan to take D15 out to dinner and try to talk her through some things. I figure she saw me drag myself up out of depression last fall, so maybe some of the stuff I can share with her about how to get past this will carry some weight. The trick will be to talk about it without delving into any details of the sitch with her mom and I, which I don't think would be a good idea at all.

Wish me luck!

[inspiredjulie]

Good Luck Rob!!

I know you'll do a great job! And your D15 is so lucky to have you!

Julie

[Rob1231]

Last night went well. I didn't lay on too many DBing Pearls of Wisdom, just listened and validated like crazy. I think the biggest thing was that I just spent the entire evening giving time to D15, focusing on her and putting aside (for the most part) nagging about homework and practicing her sax, etc.

After we went out for Mexican food, we came home and shot some baskets in the front yard. We played a game called PIG, where you call out "P" when you make the first basket, then "I", then "G" - first one to spell the word wins. Then D15 picked a word - CHOIR because she was happy that she had gotten picked for the better choir for next year's school schedule. I got to pick the next word, but didn't tell her what it was - just made her figure it out as we added letters to it. SUPERCALIFRAJILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS. Got a good laugh from that one.

[46956]

Hi Rob, just thought I'd drop in and say hi. Your a great dad. Glad you had such a fun evening with your daughter. Teenagers have it rougher now than when I was that age I think . There seems to be more social pressures on kids to be part of the in crowd and have it all these days. Sounds like you have a solid relationship with D14, which is so important at this time in her life. 4

[Jen_Jam]

Rob - been thinking about your D. I help my niece (18 in a few weeks) out with advice now and then. The main thing I find with her (Georgie) is listening helps. She's the youngest and often feels a bit left out. She's a smart little girl though and will come through.
it's good your D can talk to you and you really listen. That will go a long way with her. it's a shame to hear about her friends (georgie had a friend who was raped a few years ago, it was a big shock for her), but with parents who listen to her she will be fine.

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you all.

[Rob1231]

Thanks Jen. It's a challenge, but I think she'll be OK. Tomorrow is her first counselor appointment - tried to spend a little time today talking her through "So, have you thought about what you want to say to her? And what you hope to get out of it?" I think you are right, listening and validating is the key (now, where have I heard THAT before? )

Today turned out pretty nice. We spent half of it trying to talk D15 into joining us for a bike ride - she finally did, and had a good time. Kept ahead of mom for most of the 15 miles - that was new! Guess that last growth spurt in the legs was a good thing!

[Rob1231]

Geez, what's with all the women in my life these days? (No offense to the Babes of DB.com - I know none of you would ever get all moody...! )

First D15 gets all teenager-y and depressed, and now W is in a royal funk. Back to her unhappiness about lacking friends, which is aggravated by her best friend at work having been mysteriously let go last week. (Strange rumors flying around there - to the extent that W is nervous to call the friend and ask about it.) On top of that, she had an ice dance test on Saturday and didn't pass - ice dancing judges are nitpicky pains in the rear. I've been doing my best to listen and affirm, and resist the almost-overwhelming temptation to fix. She's not very open to it right now, though - seems to prefer doing the "sulk in my cave" routine for the time being.

Well, I can't control it, can only react in a reasonable fashion. In the meantime, the arrival (at last!) of decent biking weather has got my PMA shooting through the roof today.

[46956]

Hi Rob, sorry to bother you. I have been getting a lot of contact from W in the last few days. Just wondering if you would take a look at it for me in the MLC forum. Thanks 4

[Rob1231]

Done, 4!

So, W's been on a biz trip for a couple of days. She called a little while ago; her spirits seemed much lighter than they have been lately. Good to hear!

We're going to visit my parents this weekend - gonna take my dad down to the US Air Force Museum in Dayton as a belated Christmas present. Cranking up the PMA for the trip - I want to be a real pleasure to be around!

This is also a good opportunity to DB around my parents some more - this stuff applies to all of our relationships, not just our M. I think it confuses my mom (who can be set in her ways, controlling, and judgmental) just as much as it ever did the alien-possessed wife... Should be fun!

[46956]

Thanks Rob. Have a good weekend. 4