wth?? DB coach said if I go solely for d9, it would be "noble" and she is right. But like you, I fear going and being miserable and bitchy and whatever else. I did tell H the other day, after he said something vague but good, about wanting to make up for lost time, etc.that it IS HELPFUL for him to say things like that. He was surprised....????WTH???? So, if he can hang on to the part of himself that allows self reflection and does the "fearless moral inventory" we do in 12 step programs, and try to make amends (and yes, I've been there, done that, 11 years ago and it ought to be called the "FearFUL moral inventory b/c it is terrifying to stare at the realities and consequences of our lives) I would feel that is the most he could now do.
At the root of this ALL, isn't what we as wives want, is the knowledge that in our men's hearts, we really are THE priority? That belief, accurate or not, was all that got me through the decades of sacrificing my career and moving for h 6-7 times, etc. So, when that idea is killed, it hits us at our core. They say men are simple and women are complicated. I'm not so sure we are so complicated. Just love me in my love language, and I'm happily married. I promise.
So, check out the FaithIsBelieving thread for some detachment and forgiveness work. I have "conceived" forgiveness for H and thought I had done it. But it's still in development within, b/c odd things/comments trigger anger in me and I find myself surprised at times, with how hurt or insecure or angry I can feel when we are together. Gotta get a grip on THAT, b/c it is Not helpful to the M or my self image. BND is taking her H back into the home and he's been gone a long time as well. She suggested a forgiveness book on this thread, which I will get today. Where are you living now? Is there ANYTHING for you there? Hey, if I can jerry rig a "theater" career in Alaska, well, IF I can, then you gotta be able to do/find something with meaning for you outside of being the self sacrificing mommy. Regardless, maybe the DB coach is right. We did/are doing the noble thing. OR, are you/we doing the martyr thing? One thing that I need to remind myself of, and maybe you as well, is that I DO have a choice. A crappy choice, yes. But still, a choice. How are you two communicating verbally, physically, etc.? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
