My previous thread:Previous Thread Well I'm not sure all the flirting is taking us where I'd like to go, in fact, as I had feared, it's adding pressure. I had a convo with W this morning about things. Asked her to be honest with me. She admits she's doing some soul searching right now to decide if she wants to continue trying to make it work or not. My reaction was basically, well you've had six years now is'nt that enough time, can you decided by Friday? She says my advances make her very uncomfortable. She wants me to just be myself(minus the sexual advances or inuendo's) and she wants to just be herself.
She said she knows what an incredible man I've become, that I'm fantastic just the way I am, but she does'nt have the "feelings" she wants to have. She said the change has to come in HER heart, and that there's nothing that I can do to fix that. It's got to be within her. She also said that It's not about me/COG changing, it's got to change in HER.
So I'm stepping back to my supportive role. She won't decide anything quickly I know that. Until then I'm going to stay above it, enjoy the moments and take it one day at a time. I'm not going to let it get me down, I'm moving on. My house is rented out for another six months or so. My guess is that'll be crunch time. We'll know what's going to happen by then. I'm trying to stay positive. No begging, no pleading, blah !
Last night I worked out and then jumped in the hot tub. There was a woman in there that I thought I recognized. It was a friend from about 30 years ago. We used to flirt a lot back then, and she still looks good. She flew over to me and gave me a big hug when she realized it was me. It felt good. She's single, just moved back into the area. She knew I was separated for awhile and asked how things were. Seemed a little disappointed when I told her W and I reconciled. I can only imagine what might have happened if I was a single man.
It's just so weird. We get along so well, on every level except for the physical intimacy. What's holding THAT back is in her heart and I have NO idea what that looks like. Old memories, a change that can't be reversed, I don't know but it's VERY strong. Last time she said she wanted to do some soul searching was when I gave her the ultimatum and she came back and said she was opting for D and her "heart was at peace with it".
We'll see. I'll stand to the end, but I'm not going to bleed anymore. I've got a good life with or without her. I hope she figures things out in her own heart but if not then a new chapter begins and I'll move forward either way.
Six and a half years a prisoner on the limbocoaster. When am I going to wake up?
God Bless,
COG
Last edited by COG; 03/21/0704:02 PM.
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
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