Hey folks, MrsGGB and I have been married 20 years today. 20 years of SSM. If I had known then what was ahead, I probably wouldn't have married her, as the lack of intimate communication between us has marred our marriage, not just in the bedroom. Nevertheless, I still love her and her me, and are both committed to the marriage so I'm not going anywhere. It isn't bad, but it could be a heck of a lot better.
We're currently in a state where I've more or less lost interest, a state that I really don't understand nor like. We are back to about a once per month schedule, but it isn't so much her, rather it is my not bothering to initiate. I've even caught myself avoiding situations where she might initiate (WTF is that about?). We're not communicating well at all, and my attempts to return us to a formal dialog like WWME have been met with much resistance. So in this place, it is hard to get in a mood to celebrate our anniversary. I sense MrsGGB is unhappy too; she seems somewhat depressed, is constantly snapping at or complaining about me and the kids. She also has said that she has forgotten how to have fun. There are few words of praise and little warmth right now, and it is affecting the whole family. I'm trying to figure out how to set the whole thing right, but it seems a bit overwhelming to me.
Part of it, I think, is MrsGGB's parents didn't have a good marriage and her mother in particular was verbally abusive to her so she doesn't have a good role model to draw upon or a mental picture of what a good marriage can be. We are both passive-agressive, both first borns of larger families, both Pisces (not that we put much stock in that, but we've been told by a couple people that is not a great combination for mates). The kids (we have six ranging from 17 to 2) are overwhelming often, especially to MrsGGB. MrsGGB is a SAHM, and I am an independent consultant working out of my home.
So here I sit, looking at 20 years gone by, wondering how to change the dynamic here so that the next 20 are not like the first. I'm upset with myself for letting it go this long and get this disconnected. I feel the entire weight of changing the tone rests on me, because if I don't fix it, no one else will. I'm just not sure where to start.
