I am feeling well today and I am trying to concentrate and see that it is going to be ok and I need to relax some. I am going to finish cleaning the house today. I have gotten alot better with my organization since my H went on his vacation. This used to be a reason for me not to have time for H .. I have stuff to do ...to clean... etc. etc. not anymore.. that was a bad habit.
I have to remember what he said that he left cause I WAS NOT giving him what he needed from me. I also think he just needed a break . .I had been telling him for years he was working tooooo hard and going to burn out. He never listened. And he was wound up tighter than ... And SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO he told me to get my hiny in gear so that I would focus on that instead of dwelling on that he was gone. Possibly~
I am thinking and Hoping ~ that hopefully the real hard parts have been passed thru and now I need to focus on today and let myself enjoy what I have worked for and to stay positive. I am doing much better on not looking back and focusing on the hurt,, I am looking forward to being happier and loving him and him being more vulnerable. not so " Macho". I am continuing to lead and I know that for a long time he told me he wants me to be strong and someone to inspire and support him. For a long time I could not do that cause I had little strength in myself and alot less faith than I should have. I have grown more and will continue to work on me b/c that has helped me tremendously and our R too. He likes the Improved version of me alot.Just yesterday he told me to put a message on his cell phone. "Sound Happy !!!!" he said.... I said " HEY! .. I think I sound alot happier than I used to!!!! So I am sure in the message I will do fine!" He agreed! YEAH!!!!!!!! So again I hope that I have been thru the real hard parts and it will start to ease up some. I need to work on not getting lost in old patterns and just thinking oh everything is ok and I can just stay in this place. I have come to realize you cannot get tooooo comfortabe amd you need to keep moving. You do not have to be on your toes every five minutes but you need to be aware that if it gets stale it is not good. I am nervous but I know that I have the strength now to do this. Thanks to you all for your emotional support it is as though the words come off the screen and give me BIG HUG and give me strength to keep going. God bless you all....... Take care and God bless....
