SAD WHEN OW COMES BEFORE HIS KIDS!!!

[happy_again]

i meant that sincerly, i need help with tact.

[missmyfriend]

HA, sometimes people need to be slapped...me included. I would prefer you keep your edge otherwise you may talk too much, like me, to say what you want to say.

[chicki]

WOW! I knew I would definitely get a response from someone here w/ my last post! I had forgotten about HA our "keep us in line patrol"!
HA, I don't know your stich, but these lst couple of days I just been feeling like giving up and say enough is enough, have you ever felt that way? And yes, I do know about treating our SO like freinds, but even freinds sometimes tell it like is and show when they are hurt EVEN if it seems IMMATURE at the time and moment. YET, like I said later that same day, I emailed my H back to say how I still have love for him and wanted the best for him. How I wish he would open his heart to God so HE can give him the peace and fill that emptiness that only the sweet Lord can do. I told him how we needed to be our children's role model(and yes I was not behaving as such, but at least it was via email and not in front of them).

We all do not come here to be called names, but to get some support. THANKS for your support HA.

[chicki]

Oh! One more thing I will be going out of town again and so my H will not forget again to pick up the kids, I have decided to drop them off at his work instead.

[happy_again]

you and your husband need to learn how to talk to one another without hurting each other any more. that was my point.if you love one another then you will work at building each other up not tearing each other down.

[chicki]

Ha,
Poin well taken and everyday I ask the Lord to help me keep my mouth shut when he is being verbally abusive. Let me give you a little background. My H has always been physically and verbally abusive since right after the honeymon. The first two years my insecurity that he helped to maintain or instill in me and the fact that I was very passive kept me from ever standing up for myself untile I finally woke up one day when his hands went too far w/ one of the girls and I called the cops on him. All in all, I sent him to jail twice and they ordered anger management classes. With the years he has learned how to handle his anger better. I t has been a long time his anything physical, but the verbal continues and now I am learning NOT to react and therefore w/ my NOT reacting as much, in turn he has susided some. I really want to make our home feel safe for him and when I started to make the changes in me a saw little baby steps from him, like coming home on time and not going out sll night like before when I discovered the A.

You, see I think his anger somewhat comes down from his dad who was also abusive to him. His mom even had to stop working b/c of all the trouble H was causing in school. She says h had always a promblem w/ his mouth and did not have any respect for anyone including his teachers.

I feel like whatever I do I can't win. I have stopped being so nicey nicey and going out of my way including not initiaing sex whatsoever(don't want stds) and now he accuseses ME of cheating.
In the past I was the one to mostly iniate sex, so I guess that confuses him now.

[happy_again]

chicki these are excuses and you in this situation need to set the example. show him with your words and your actions how to behave. if you set the example he may just follow. this means shutting your mouth and letting god direct you not chicki

[missmyfriend]

chicki, something I am learning is that in order to draw people closer to God I had to quit beating them over the head with Him. My W pulled away from Him and felt I was using Him to get her back in line. I told her I was using Him and that part is okay but I should not use Him to get what I want. My W loves Him but is rebelling against Him as well as me so it suits no purpose for me to tell her what she already knows. Just like she did not want to be around me, she did not want to be around Him because He is the ultimate authority figure. Instead I am trying to show her the unconditional love He shows. He does not force anyone to come to Him but He holds His arms out to everyone. Even those who despise Him.

I began to realize that I was not following His direction but what I wanted. The greatest love can be letting go and be willing to be "tortured" for those you love.

I am trying to emulate Him as much as I can. And believe me, it is a struggle.

Remember, the people on this board wants to see you succeed in becoming the person He wants you to be and for your marriage to be restored. Our method of delivery is just different from one person to the next.

[missmyfriend]

...I was very passive kept me from ever standing up for myself untile I finally woke up one day when his hands went too far w/ one of the girls and I called the cops on him.

chicki, I did not see this posting before I sent the one at 8:29am Central and am very concerned. Physical abuse is extremely serious and if I were in that sitch I would take all steps necessary to protect myself and my children (that is what I would expect of my W as well if I was abusive) and pray that he gets help. Further, your comment in the quotation led me to believe that there may be sexual abuse as well, I hope I am wrong about that. If that is the case, he is dangerous and the children need to be protected at all costs.

I would avoid any contact with him if he is physically and sexually abusive.

I am praying for you and your children.

[chicki]

missy,

No there is no sexual abuse. I'm sorry if I made it sound that way.I am confused about the detaching part. How are we suppose to make them feel "safe" when in my case that makes my H think I am seeing someone. I need samples of detaching.