Quote: ----------------------------------------------------- I'm glad Nop posted the summary steps of his marriage recovery. I've been meaning to ask him to outline his methodology, to link together the different advice he has been offering lately. -----------------------------------------------------
Cobra, I hope that you don't have the idea that I only make suggestions based on my own experience. If I have a methodology, it is to study a person and their situation, build an abstract of the relationship, then make suggestions to address the issues based on that knowledge. I believe that I have posted essentially the same thing here several times previously.
When MrsNOP and I started this whole process, the only professional advice I received was in a single post to me from Michele. She said (in a very nice way), "deal with your anger". So I did. The rest of my plan came from my idea of the most logical and direct way that I could address the problem.
While I agree that one partner often has to push hard to change the focus of a relationship, that is not always the case. There are multiple examples of different relationships from current posters. While all require action, having all the actions the same would be wrong. Furthermore, not all actions have to be painful or extremely stressful.
Not all relationships here require that the partners enter into some kind of "crucible" before there can be real change in the relationship.
My marriage was essentially dead, and needed some intense attention. That was MY marriage. While the approach I took to begin to recover our marriage may be similar to that needed by others, it is most assuredly not the only approach, and in fact, could be very damaging if misapplied.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
