I don't see your STBX and Mrs. HD similar at ALL. Other than the fact that both had low sex drives.
Mr. Wilson was very passive in his control. Mrs. HD is very active in her control. You and HD are similar in that you both have fantastic senses of humor, you are both very intelligent, fantastic writers, would set the world on their ears, very compassionate... but Mo.
Mr. Wilson did severe damage to your sense of self. Mrs. HD #1 did damage to HD, and Mrs. HD#2 is doing even MORE damage.
A person is only willing to accept abuse from another up and until they point they are willing to abuse themselves. You hit your wall. You know, now, where that point is. You are even having flash back moments....dressing room.
I know EXACTLY where I hit my abuse point with my xH. And that is not to say our spouses are inherently abusive people. It's just that with weak boundaries... it will happen... 'cuz we all just want to 'get along.' Getting along SUCKS. It will make wet noodles out of all of us.
Boundaries are the exilir of life. I guarantee you will have very strong boundaries on certain things in your next R. You will also find where your other boundaries are weak... and I'm willing to bet, given your intelligence, that you will fix it, no matter how hard.
Not to say that HD is not intelligent, nor can he see where he needs to draw boundaries. He knows exactly where to draw the line. He just doesn't want to, because he is a compassionate soul at heart. He is a lover, not a fighter. And he is --> <-- this close to his breaking point.
Break, I say. His life will change.
His projection upon his daughter and how she might feel if things go kaput... is HIS projection. He is letting an event that has not yet come to pass... influence his behavior.
