I would view #7 as a reclaimation effort of respect. Though Mrs. NOP has often said on this board that 'lack of respect' was never an issue for the two of you.
But as a fellow LD, when you lost the anger? And she really knew it? Probably tested it a time or two or three or four... threw a plate for good measure... and you still did not return to angry NOP?
And given your lovely manliness... your strength of character, your 'leading' your wife, while fully acknowledging her own strength of character... I would personally say that #7 proves my point. Respect turned the ship.
You and I could both say, with a fair amount of certainty, that yours and Mrs. NOPs R never deteriorated to the point that HD now finds himself in.
I completely agree with you that HD is the only one who can upset the stalemate. But I can tell you, as a woman who is just about as stubborn as they come (I'd say I'd give Mrs. HD a fair run for her money in my old days)... for HD to have sex with Mrs. HD in her mental frame of mind (teeth gritting sex)... is not something to take to bed, even to upset the stale mate. It would do lasting damage to her.
Think about Mrs. HD's father. I understand that whole thought process of 'he just wants to scratch an itch.' My xH even took me up on my offer of... fine, have sex, but I'm gritting my teeth.
No one should have that kind of sex. I would have respected him far more if he had grown some balls and said, fine, be who you are. I'm not living in an SSM. I'm leaving.
