Quote: ------------------------------------------------------ The NOPs may have initiated a schedule, and that may have fixed the initial problem with frequency... but NOP lost the anger, was kind, was consistent... and then he lost interest.
He removed every barrier Mrs. NOP had... she learned a new respect for him... in a slightly different way... and had to look to herself.
Now, I'm sure she will correct me if I'm wrong... but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it was the respect, in the end, that turned the ship. ------------------------------------------------------
Here is the abreviated sequence of events:
1) I lost the anger.
2) I told MrsNOP that I would no longer live in a sexless marriage.
3) MrsNOP and I started having "just sex".
4) Emotions ran high.
5) The situation escalated when I was not satisfied with the "just sex" I was getting and we started a schedule for even more "just sex".
6) Take all of the above and put it into an emotional blender and then spend many hours and days decoding the result.
7) Eventually we began to understand and appreciate each others perspectives and needs.
8) We now make love very often (daily, sometimes more). We still occasionally have "just sex", but the gnashing of teeth is gone.
I don't recall ever losing interest in MrsNOP outside of a short period of anger.
I was consistent, and kind, but our initial battle was fought over the entrenchment (stalemate) in our marriage. In item number 2 of the above list, I intimated divorce. That bomb cleared the trenches and we started fighting it out from there.
I am NOT trying to superimpose my relationship with MrsNOP over Hairdog's relationship. The only real similarity is the entrenchment.
My position here regarding Hairdog, and the premise of my advice, is that he must upset the stalemate before he can continue, and that logically, once the stalemate has been broken, there will arise relational issues that require immediate attention. Those issues won't be fun or easy to fix.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
