Not to be callous but isn't your STBX's stance on the food similar to what some of the guys say here, not only do they want to have sex; they want their wives to "desire" them also.
My point exactly. That is why I can "understand" the LD woman's POV on sex to some extent. My H was the equivalent of CeMar when it comes to literally being fed. However, I do like to cook so my analogy does break down a bit. I was more like the reasonably high sex drive woman who was married to the guy who wanted it all the time and just the way he liked it (As opposed to the way I like it. Now that my H's moved out my D15 and I are eating stuff like Thai food and sushi and salads.). Clearly, I s*cked at drawing boundaries in my marriage but my point is that I didn't let the fact that his demands were unreasonable and frequently annoying prevent me from carrying out the responsibility of cooking dinner if I had agreed to take it on and I also didn't let it prevent me from still enjoying cooking most of the time. (Although I did go on strike for one period of about two weeks and serve nothing but frozen dinners. My own taste buds and sense of thrift made me back down.-LOL).
As I recall, MrsNOP used almost this exact analogy on one occasion. She said something like she accepted the responsibility of having sex even when she wasn't exactly in the mood for the same reason she always prepared meals for her daughter even if she wasn't in the mood to cook. I think it would be very easy to imagine a situation in which a couple married and the issue of cooking wasn't discussed beforehand. The H might be surprised that his W had no clue or interest in cooking. He might have the assumption that it would be at least a shared task but find that due to his unwillingness to press the issue initially and encourage his wife to develop some skills he ends up doing all the cooking. Five years and maybe two kids down the road it's going to be more difficult for him to put his foot down and say "This isn't fair. You need to learn how to cook.". Especially, if his wife's response when he nicely broaches the subject is along the lines of "Okay, I'll cook sometimes if you insist but plan on eating something burnt and nauseating.".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
