This is why I stay persistent because we are still not on the same page. I know partly because I do not have all of HDs back story and I think partly because I am still not being understood (for whatever reason - let's not go there , please:)
He's been at this for years, trying to figure her out, give her what she wants so that maybe she will start trying to figure out her sexuality. There seems to be a pervasive view that because it hasn't worked yet, Hairdog hasn't done what he's needed to.
This is the exact stuff that I agree HD should drop. Look at what you just wrote. Over the years he has been doing all of this work ON HER and FOR HER to get what he wants. He is never going to be the solution to her issues if she does not see her issues. And for that matter I still feel like I do not understand what he really wants. If he just wants sex, is not getting it, then why he is still there?? My assumption,which is supporting by his statement below
The deal is, I really do enjoy being with her most of the time, and make no secret of that. We make each other laugh. We like similar things (food, entertainment, politics) and we both genuinely care for our DD5. There's plenty of good stuff here.
is that he does love her and wants this relationship to be "fixed."
I still see work for HD but not the way many others here seem to see and certainly not the way I think you think I mean. Most of the work I see has to do with figuring out how his own feelings and issues and concentrating on having himself.
Quote:
***Why is it that, after two, three, four years of me doing everything/anything to try to show her how much I love her, that she can so easily deflect my wants/needs?***
Come on HD, look at this question. This is the KEY. What IS the answer? Could it be that you were doing any and everything but what she needed? Don't take that personal; she may not have known what she needed any more that you did.
Is there confusion about my response to HD's question? I realize it may not have been clear. I did NOT mean that HD needs to figure out what MsHD needs. I meant for him to relieve himself of the pressure of working to MAKE her happy. To me it appears that he has been working extra hard to earn her attention to his wants and needs. That type of behavior in a relationship is usually frustrating for both partners. IMHO.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
